I'm wasted, not talking she is blabbering something, probably about cake.

>be me at the pub with a mate
>two ham planets see me, engage gravitational pull.
>apparently they were friends of friends of my mate.
>one in particular wont stop following me around, says I look like some faggot off true blood.
>no matter how much cold shoulder I give, she is impervious.
>I'm getting more drunk, but still not giving in.
>finally me and mate leave, thank god I finally gave her the slip.
>nope.jpeg
>as we are getting in cab, landwhales use their superior girth to overpower us and get in cab too.
>oh god no..
>I'm wasted, not talking she is blabbering something, probably about cake.
>get back to his place, book it to spare room, pass out.
>Wake up later in the night,
>somethingsnotright.gif
>Ham planet is riding my dick
>oh god, why have you forsaken me??
>tell her to gtfo, go back to sleep
>wake up again
>oh fuck, her friend is having a go now, eating my dick like its the last hotdog in the cart...
>eh fuck it, I go with it and blow my load.
>pass out again.
>Mfw I was raped by two fatties in one night
>Mfw my friend gave one of them my number the next day, that rat bastard.
>Mfw I have no face.