>In a production of a musical
>The director must easily weigh at least 500 lbs and is a mean little man who chews out people a lot.
>The only thing he devours more than the souls of the innocent is food
>Talks about having high blood pressure and decides to eat a giant cookie in the middle of rehearsal
>Stops rehearsal in the middle of a scene and waddles out very unbalanced
>The two lankiest DYEL guys in the play help him out
>He collapses and starts vomiting and farting everywhere
>Smells awful
>Soils his pants
>Pale as fuck, looks like he's gonna die
>The stage manager asks if she should take over rehearsal and he can go home.
>"I'm the director! You can't run rehearsal without me!"
>Continues rehearsal, shit pants and everything.
Have a story to contribute? Email us at storiesaboutfatpeople@gmail.com
Thursday 31 October 2013
Wednesday 30 October 2013
I think we all know someone like this.
>Have overweight cousin on Facebook
>Looking through her page, see status saying "huge junk food craving, wanna eat blah blah details of unhealthy food"
>Literally the next status says "No idea why I keep gaining weight there must be something wrong with me I'm so sick of this I'm gonna see a doctor and find out whats wrong"
>Looking through her page, see status saying "huge junk food craving, wanna eat blah blah details of unhealthy food"
>Literally the next status says "No idea why I keep gaining weight there must be something wrong with me I'm so sick of this I'm gonna see a doctor and find out whats wrong"
Tuesday 29 October 2013
Was it still waving or was it fat waves rippling about
>be nanny, going to pick kids up at school
>nearby car opens up to reveal sentient beach ball
>beach ball lumbers to open trunk and retrieves a towcart
>beach ball dragging tow cart moves to walk across the street in front of my car
>I keep right on moving to get in carpool because there's no chance of hitting the beach ball as it's moving at <1MPH
>miss beach ball by a mile
>beach ball takes offense anyway and starts making these comically exaggerated expressions of offense and throwing hands in the air repeatedly and shaking meaty fists
>gut swaying back and forth
>it nearly drops tow cart
>lol heartily
>it keeps this up for over a whole minute until it's out of my sight
>get kids, go home, snack of melon and tea, play outdoor games
>damn it feels good to not have my own gravity
>nearby car opens up to reveal sentient beach ball
>beach ball lumbers to open trunk and retrieves a towcart
>beach ball dragging tow cart moves to walk across the street in front of my car
>I keep right on moving to get in carpool because there's no chance of hitting the beach ball as it's moving at <1MPH
>miss beach ball by a mile
>beach ball takes offense anyway and starts making these comically exaggerated expressions of offense and throwing hands in the air repeatedly and shaking meaty fists
>gut swaying back and forth
>it nearly drops tow cart
>lol heartily
>it keeps this up for over a whole minute until it's out of my sight
>get kids, go home, snack of melon and tea, play outdoor games
>damn it feels good to not have my own gravity
Monday 28 October 2013
>work with landwhale
>she eats nothing but fried food and candy
>actually brings tubs marshmallow cream to work
>breaks office chair one day
>takes a month off
>comes back, had that stomach-staple surgery
>tells office proudly
>skips breakfast first day back
>brings out marshmallow cream for lunch.
>one month later, mystified as to why she isn't losing weight
>she eats nothing but fried food and candy
>actually brings tubs marshmallow cream to work
>breaks office chair one day
>takes a month off
>comes back, had that stomach-staple surgery
>tells office proudly
>skips breakfast first day back
>brings out marshmallow cream for lunch.
>one month later, mystified as to why she isn't losing weight
Sunday 27 October 2013
this is a throwback story from mein youth
>the year of our lord two thousand and three
>be 15
>go to DMV to take learner's permit course with one of my best bros
>line to a table, money box, woman collecting money
>and by woman i mean fat wildebeest
>wildebeest is taking money, giving change
>wildebeest has a different denomination of dollar bills stuffed into the various fat folds of her gut
>stack of 50's in one fat fold, stack of 20's in next fat fold, 10's, 5's and 1's
>cringe as i have to receive change from a stack of bills that was wedged under one of her many sweaty fat folds
my bro and i always wondered where she kept any of the coins... but then again, she was so fat she probably just ate the change
>be 15
>go to DMV to take learner's permit course with one of my best bros
>line to a table, money box, woman collecting money
>and by woman i mean fat wildebeest
>wildebeest is taking money, giving change
>wildebeest has a different denomination of dollar bills stuffed into the various fat folds of her gut
>stack of 50's in one fat fold, stack of 20's in next fat fold, 10's, 5's and 1's
>cringe as i have to receive change from a stack of bills that was wedged under one of her many sweaty fat folds
my bro and i always wondered where she kept any of the coins... but then again, she was so fat she probably just ate the change
Saturday 26 October 2013
not FPS but First World Problems
>work at resort
>man comes up
>can I get a refund, extra day at the resort or extra ticket
Work at Gizknee
>Whats the problem
>I got here a while ago and my luggage hasent arrived and they told me it would be here in 5 hours. Im loosing a day
background information...when taking this type of transportation you are told over and over again your luggage will not arrive to the resort right away. it takes 3-5 hours for it to arrive. no more no less.
>inform him of the policy
>"can I recoommend something?"
>sure annon
>You have tickets to go to the park, you can still use them or head dow to Down Town Gizknee and enjoy the day. You have free dinning so you dont have to pay for any food. Just enjoy the weather. By the time you comeback your luggage will be here.
>no we need to change clothing. We are in our travle clothing.
>find out he arrived an hour ago
>1st world problem. Arrive to Gizknee and complain because after being told your luggage will arrive within 3-5 hours of your resort arrival, you want a refund on everything because your mad you didn't bring clothing on your carry-on. His kid wanted to go to the parks but her dad was busy being a twat and tried to blame it on me.
he was fat? Does that count as FPS?
[No it doesn't.]
Friday 25 October 2013
I know everyone is going to think I made this up and God, how I fucking wish that was the case.
>Work with fat as fatass co-worker for a few months
>Hated by all co-workers due to laziness and just generally being an asshole
>Always loudly talks about my "anorexia" because my heart doesn't pump mayonnaise but tells my coworkers how he's going to "split me in two"
>Ignore him, only thing he's splitting is 4XL jeans coated in Cheetos dust and cum stains
>Comes up to me alone crying and confides that he feels awful about his weight and doesn't know what to do, wants my help
>Take pity on him, glad he wants to make a change
>Invite him to my gym with me
>Shows up 40 minutes late
>When he gets there his eyes burn a hole in my yoga pants
>Super uncomfortable but get him to start stretching with me
>Less than a minute in he has to go to the bathroom, wait for 20 minutes
>We've been there an hour and haven't even worked out, I don't have time for this shit.
>Knock on door of bathroom and call out to him, hear violent sobbing, sounds like someone being mauled
>It's not locked so I open the door...
>What I see there will haunt me forever.
>He's hunched over masturbating furiously while crying, absolutely naked except for some black thing straining around his man boobs, almost lost in his folds
>...I-is that the sports bra I thought I lost?
>Is this even real life?
>He starts to scream when he sees me, tries to hide himself with his hands, rolls jiggle everywhere
>Start to laugh
>Immediately leave and laugh the entire 20 minute walk home, can't breathe I'm laughing so hard.
>He never comes in for work again.
I'm not sure I'd believe it if it hadn't happened to me. My boss told me I should try to press charges (for I don't even know what, creepiness?) but I just wanted to never see him again.
>Hated by all co-workers due to laziness and just generally being an asshole
>Always loudly talks about my "anorexia" because my heart doesn't pump mayonnaise but tells my coworkers how he's going to "split me in two"
>Ignore him, only thing he's splitting is 4XL jeans coated in Cheetos dust and cum stains
>Comes up to me alone crying and confides that he feels awful about his weight and doesn't know what to do, wants my help
>Take pity on him, glad he wants to make a change
>Invite him to my gym with me
>Shows up 40 minutes late
>When he gets there his eyes burn a hole in my yoga pants
>Super uncomfortable but get him to start stretching with me
>Less than a minute in he has to go to the bathroom, wait for 20 minutes
>We've been there an hour and haven't even worked out, I don't have time for this shit.
>Knock on door of bathroom and call out to him, hear violent sobbing, sounds like someone being mauled
>It's not locked so I open the door...
>What I see there will haunt me forever.
>He's hunched over masturbating furiously while crying, absolutely naked except for some black thing straining around his man boobs, almost lost in his folds
>...I-is that the sports bra I thought I lost?
>Is this even real life?
>He starts to scream when he sees me, tries to hide himself with his hands, rolls jiggle everywhere
>Start to laugh
>Immediately leave and laugh the entire 20 minute walk home, can't breathe I'm laughing so hard.
>He never comes in for work again.
I'm not sure I'd believe it if it hadn't happened to me. My boss told me I should try to press charges (for I don't even know what, creepiness?) but I just wanted to never see him again.
Thursday 24 October 2013
I didn't continue the conversation, but people at work are fucking idiots.
>I'm the beta in this one.
>at work
>two hambeast co-workers next to me start talking about pilates and typical bullshit fat people workouts
>one of them (39 year old unmarried bitch) says she just hired a trainer, had an awesome workout of curls and bodyweight squats 5x15 and the trainer says she can keep eating whatever she wants
>politely say that she should probably look for a new trainer depending on her goals, because the current workout routine sounds fishy and won't help her get in shape
>she says its not like i would know better than a PAID trainer
>me: linebacker in high school, still pretty huge, lifts regularly
>bertstare.jpg
>at work
>two hambeast co-workers next to me start talking about pilates and typical bullshit fat people workouts
>one of them (39 year old unmarried bitch) says she just hired a trainer, had an awesome workout of curls and bodyweight squats 5x15 and the trainer says she can keep eating whatever she wants
>politely say that she should probably look for a new trainer depending on her goals, because the current workout routine sounds fishy and won't help her get in shape
>she says its not like i would know better than a PAID trainer
>me: linebacker in high school, still pretty huge, lifts regularly
>bertstare.jpg
Wednesday 23 October 2013
God dammit I love them but I can already feel my face getting fatter.
>4 stereotypical old Italian Aunts and Uncles over to visit my father who's dying of cancer. One of the few times I've seen them since I was a kid
>Living in my house the past week and a half.
>Can't go 30 minutes without them asking me if I'm hungry and subsequently offering me some sort of food.
>breads, pastas, donuts, pastries, pizzas.
>Carb City bitch.
>I tell them I'm trying to cut down more but they continuously reassure me I'm a strong handsome man already and I'm making them so proud in school.
>Say "thank you" for the food and eat it while they talk to me about helping them do various household chores like sweeping the fans.
>mfw
>Living in my house the past week and a half.
>Can't go 30 minutes without them asking me if I'm hungry and subsequently offering me some sort of food.
>breads, pastas, donuts, pastries, pizzas.
>Carb City bitch.
>I tell them I'm trying to cut down more but they continuously reassure me I'm a strong handsome man already and I'm making them so proud in school.
>Say "thank you" for the food and eat it while they talk to me about helping them do various household chores like sweeping the fans.
>mfw
Tuesday 22 October 2013
Now this is an inspiring story
>Be me, former fatass hog sweating fuck 6'2" 290, now 185 at 23
>Family is obese but willing to change now that they see my progress
>My unhealthy choices got me here
>Cut out processed foods and soda and replaced with veg and dat protein
>Still live and work near uni
>Now pounding more vag in 6 months then I ever did in undergrad
>Some 4/10 but mostly 7s don't care still sex
>Bishs be swooned by body, confidence, and $
>Still have loose skin but those are reminders of past
>FPS was a great motivator
>To fatties: Buy an exercise bike then you have no excuse to not work out due to embarrassment
>SO to gym rats that pound it when I was in gym and saw I was motivated
>this site saved 5 hamplanets
Pound that mound my friend.
>Family is obese but willing to change now that they see my progress
>My unhealthy choices got me here
>Cut out processed foods and soda and replaced with veg and dat protein
>Still live and work near uni
>Now pounding more vag in 6 months then I ever did in undergrad
>Some 4/10 but mostly 7s don't care still sex
>Bishs be swooned by body, confidence, and $
>Still have loose skin but those are reminders of past
>FPS was a great motivator
>To fatties: Buy an exercise bike then you have no excuse to not work out due to embarrassment
>SO to gym rats that pound it when I was in gym and saw I was motivated
>this site saved 5 hamplanets
Pound that mound my friend.
Monday 21 October 2013
>saw my cousin today (who's like a sister to me)
>haven't seen her in years; last time I saw her was probably 3 years ago and was chubby
>see her and she's put on twice the weight (at least 250lbs, and she's probably 5'5-5'6)
>she's 19 years old and a fuckin' basement dweller
>doesn't work; doesn't go to school
>just plays xbox 360 all day
>every once in a while makes arts and crafts
>trying to encourage her to either work or go to school
>don't bring up weight b/c she's sensitive about how fat she is
>wishing she would bring up my weight loss (lost almost 100lbs since last time i saw her) so i could try to encourage her to lose weight
>makes me depressed that she hates herself so much that she's refusing to live life and be happy
>haven't seen her in years; last time I saw her was probably 3 years ago and was chubby
>see her and she's put on twice the weight (at least 250lbs, and she's probably 5'5-5'6)
>she's 19 years old and a fuckin' basement dweller
>doesn't work; doesn't go to school
>just plays xbox 360 all day
>every once in a while makes arts and crafts
>trying to encourage her to either work or go to school
>don't bring up weight b/c she's sensitive about how fat she is
>wishing she would bring up my weight loss (lost almost 100lbs since last time i saw her) so i could try to encourage her to lose weight
>makes me depressed that she hates herself so much that she's refusing to live life and be happy
Sunday 20 October 2013
>husband use to be fit but chubby
>few days ago threw his back out by sucking in his gut while trying to button his pants
>complains that he's becoming a hamplanet and wants to do something about it
>tell him to exercise and eat healthier
>next day it's dinner cheat day (hooray)
>have him pick up small meal from taco bell
>husband comes back and tells me that he decided to "treat himself"
>he gets to 1/2lbs burritos for himself and stop over at a wienerschnitzel to pick up a chili dog as well
>mfw
>few days ago threw his back out by sucking in his gut while trying to button his pants
>complains that he's becoming a hamplanet and wants to do something about it
>tell him to exercise and eat healthier
>next day it's dinner cheat day (hooray)
>have him pick up small meal from taco bell
>husband comes back and tells me that he decided to "treat himself"
>he gets to 1/2lbs burritos for himself and stop over at a wienerschnitzel to pick up a chili dog as well
>mfw
Saturday 19 October 2013
>Be at Hometown Buffet today with my family
>Decide to try to eat healthy in spite of being at Hometown fucking Buffet
>Get some salad, get some steamed veggies and some fish, get milk to drink
>Sit down with my plate at the table
>Find myself locking eyes with Jupiter at another table
>He gives me a scowl as he sees my physique and the food I have on my table
>Puts on a jackal grin, and takes a big bite out of his fried chicken
>Finishes one plate, comes back with all sorts of fatty, unhealthy food
>Eats them like some sort of exotic dancer but with food
>Try my hardest not to let me family notice I am on the verge of puking this entire time while I quietly eat what little I can of my semi-healthy food
>Get up to leave, hamplanet waves goodbye to me
Seriously, what the fuck?
>Decide to try to eat healthy in spite of being at Hometown fucking Buffet
>Get some salad, get some steamed veggies and some fish, get milk to drink
>Sit down with my plate at the table
>Find myself locking eyes with Jupiter at another table
>He gives me a scowl as he sees my physique and the food I have on my table
>Puts on a jackal grin, and takes a big bite out of his fried chicken
>Finishes one plate, comes back with all sorts of fatty, unhealthy food
>Eats them like some sort of exotic dancer but with food
>Try my hardest not to let me family notice I am on the verge of puking this entire time while I quietly eat what little I can of my semi-healthy food
>Get up to leave, hamplanet waves goodbye to me
Seriously, what the fuck?
Friday 18 October 2013
>work at family video
>these fuckin people already
>people by our expensive as fuck candy
>fat fucks who think "Cookie Dough Bites" are actually good
>disgusted everyday
Not really a story, but these niggers spend so much money on shitty candy and pop. Like, there one trip to the video store's candy selection could buy my rice for a month. And I'm not even getting fat off of it.
>these fuckin people already
>people by our expensive as fuck candy
>fat fucks who think "Cookie Dough Bites" are actually good
>disgusted everyday
Not really a story, but these niggers spend so much money on shitty candy and pop. Like, there one trip to the video store's candy selection could buy my rice for a month. And I'm not even getting fat off of it.
Thursday 17 October 2013
> be 3 years ago
> be at party
> host has hamplanet best-friend over
> both hamplanet and host get absolutely plastered
> fast forward to 2 a.m.
> at this point fatass had annoyed almost everybody at the party
> fatass 1 falls asleep in a chair
> host is flirting with me, all is going well
> friend points out a big, dark spot spreadring outwards from fatass 1's crotch
> host hysterically tries to clean her up
> "help me anon, please"
> lel
> decide to laugh and take pictures instead
> get thrown out
in hindside yes, I could've gotten laid, but I'd have had to touch the damn thing, fuck that
> be at party
> host has hamplanet best-friend over
> both hamplanet and host get absolutely plastered
> fast forward to 2 a.m.
> at this point fatass had annoyed almost everybody at the party
> fatass 1 falls asleep in a chair
> host is flirting with me, all is going well
> friend points out a big, dark spot spreadring outwards from fatass 1's crotch
> host hysterically tries to clean her up
> "help me anon, please"
> lel
> decide to laugh and take pictures instead
> get thrown out
in hindside yes, I could've gotten laid, but I'd have had to touch the damn thing, fuck that
Wednesday 16 October 2013
>go to Albertsons for groceries
>walking around trying to remember what was on my shopping list
>some old guy with his probably land whale daughter crossing the isle or whoever you spell it
>old guy passes
>landwhale stops and looks at me
>giggles and tells me to go ahead
>be alpha gentlemen and smile slightly and wave for her to pass
>she looks down and blushes, giggles, and does a little hope up saying "hehehe thanks" obviously embarrassed
>obvious animu watcher
>she passes me
>i keep walking
>think to myself "fucking landwhale.
>walking around trying to remember what was on my shopping list
>some old guy with his probably land whale daughter crossing the isle or whoever you spell it
>old guy passes
>landwhale stops and looks at me
>giggles and tells me to go ahead
>be alpha gentlemen and smile slightly and wave for her to pass
>she looks down and blushes, giggles, and does a little hope up saying "hehehe thanks" obviously embarrassed
>obvious animu watcher
>she passes me
>i keep walking
>think to myself "fucking landwhale.
Tuesday 15 October 2013
This happened to me two days ago
> leaving Costco
> walking to parking lot and see the biggest hamplanet on the face of the earth
> 450 pounds easy
> she just finished loading up her groceries into her car waddles to the driving seat. Literally waddles.
> opens her car door and takes out a tub of something
> starts to rub this clear substance on her stomach, all over.
> Finally make out what the tub is " Vaseline".
> think "wtf is this lard ass doing?"
> she plops in her car, with her gut literally jammed into the steering wheel, i wouldn't be surprised if there's an imprint on her stomach when she gets home
> then i realize the use of her vaseline.
> her gut is so big, that the steering wheel can't turn unless shes lubricated.
> she turns to wheel for about 30 seconds, back and forth until it's completely lubed up, then drives away.
I stood there for a good 2 minutes trying to comprehend what i just saw.
> leaving Costco
> walking to parking lot and see the biggest hamplanet on the face of the earth
> 450 pounds easy
> she just finished loading up her groceries into her car waddles to the driving seat. Literally waddles.
> opens her car door and takes out a tub of something
> starts to rub this clear substance on her stomach, all over.
> Finally make out what the tub is " Vaseline".
> think "wtf is this lard ass doing?"
> she plops in her car, with her gut literally jammed into the steering wheel, i wouldn't be surprised if there's an imprint on her stomach when she gets home
> then i realize the use of her vaseline.
> her gut is so big, that the steering wheel can't turn unless shes lubricated.
> she turns to wheel for about 30 seconds, back and forth until it's completely lubed up, then drives away.
I stood there for a good 2 minutes trying to comprehend what i just saw.
Monday 14 October 2013
> be 21 in American College
> overwhelmed with 21st century trans-fat society
> make my way to cafeteria, fending off fat-scooters right & left
> standing in line, see that mac&cheese is on the menu
> 2 bitches behind me see the sign
> "omg, It's mac and cheese tonight"
> they start clapping overjoyed
> the clapping spreads throughout the cafeteria
> everybody's clapping for mac & cheese
> standing ovation for the chefs
the fuck
> overwhelmed with 21st century trans-fat society
> make my way to cafeteria, fending off fat-scooters right & left
> standing in line, see that mac&cheese is on the menu
> 2 bitches behind me see the sign
> "omg, It's mac and cheese tonight"
> they start clapping overjoyed
> the clapping spreads throughout the cafeteria
> everybody's clapping for mac & cheese
> standing ovation for the chefs
the fuck
Sunday 13 October 2013
iktfb
>Talking over phone based messenger to qt I'm digging
>not slim but not fat either, nice balance with good facial aesthetics
>get onto me dieting and working out briefly
>"I don't even get why you watch what you eat, you workout so it doesn't matter"
>tfw quite liked her prior to that sentence
>not slim but not fat either, nice balance with good facial aesthetics
>get onto me dieting and working out briefly
>"I don't even get why you watch what you eat, you workout so it doesn't matter"
>tfw quite liked her prior to that sentence
Saturday 12 October 2013
>hotel front desk
>minding my own business watching Dexter when a pair of lardcomets (mom/daughter) come up to greet me
>not so much greet as smile with yellow stained teeth while pretending not to be breathing so hard from the walk from their room
>"Can you break this $20?"
>10 bill, 5 bill, '5' 1 bill
>"Oh we're going to get a snack can I get more 1's?"
>I am sure you are
>20 1 bills
>next 6 minutes is a non-stop plinko machine of keybeeps and falling whale treats around the corner
>mother waddles around the corner with another $10 bill
>...oh please god no
>break it again
>she comes around the corner again and asks for an ice bag to hold all their candy and chips because their blubberly flippers couldn't balance the two dozen articles of shit they just bought for a "snack"
These two are regulars.
This has happened before.
She has hit on me before.
Hard.
I do not enjoy this job very much.
>minding my own business watching Dexter when a pair of lardcomets (mom/daughter) come up to greet me
>not so much greet as smile with yellow stained teeth while pretending not to be breathing so hard from the walk from their room
>"Can you break this $20?"
>10 bill, 5 bill, '5' 1 bill
>"Oh we're going to get a snack can I get more 1's?"
>I am sure you are
>20 1 bills
>next 6 minutes is a non-stop plinko machine of keybeeps and falling whale treats around the corner
>mother waddles around the corner with another $10 bill
>...oh please god no
>break it again
>she comes around the corner again and asks for an ice bag to hold all their candy and chips because their blubberly flippers couldn't balance the two dozen articles of shit they just bought for a "snack"
These two are regulars.
This has happened before.
She has hit on me before.
Hard.
I do not enjoy this job very much.
Friday 11 October 2013
>out at the club
>getting late and I'm drunk as fuck
>this chubby chick has been eyeing me all night
>ohfuckit.jpg
>take her home with me
>start fucking against a wall
>she keeps slipping out of my grip because she's fat and sweaty
>tell her to wait a second
>grab chalk from my gymbag and chalk up
>proceed to fuck her brains out
felt good man
>getting late and I'm drunk as fuck
>this chubby chick has been eyeing me all night
>ohfuckit.jpg
>take her home with me
>start fucking against a wall
>she keeps slipping out of my grip because she's fat and sweaty
>tell her to wait a second
>grab chalk from my gymbag and chalk up
>proceed to fuck her brains out
felt good man
Thursday 10 October 2013
>Be hotel clerk
>Guests eating breakfast brought their own donuts
>Obeastity incarnate comes up to offer me some of her donut box
>"No thank you, ma'am"
>Her: "Are you sure, anon?"
>"Yes I ate already, but thank you"
>Her: "They're Krispy Kreme"
>"No I'm fine, but thanks"
>Her: "Just try one"
>Irritated at this point "No, I don't eat unhealthy foods, ever. Stop shoving donuts in my face"
Admittedly that came off as condescending and not very customer service-y, but for fuck's sake, if I say "No thank you" twice, there's no reason to keep trying to force me to take one of your donuts.
>Guests eating breakfast brought their own donuts
>Obeastity incarnate comes up to offer me some of her donut box
>"No thank you, ma'am"
>Her: "Are you sure, anon?"
>"Yes I ate already, but thank you"
>Her: "They're Krispy Kreme"
>"No I'm fine, but thanks"
>Her: "Just try one"
>Irritated at this point "No, I don't eat unhealthy foods, ever. Stop shoving donuts in my face"
Admittedly that came off as condescending and not very customer service-y, but for fuck's sake, if I say "No thank you" twice, there's no reason to keep trying to force me to take one of your donuts.
Wednesday 9 October 2013
>Be morbidly obese
>Lose over 100lbs over two years, coworkers generally supportive, complements and shit
>Receptionist is a bowling ball, approximately five foot in diameter
>Asked me how to lose weight when I was about 50lbs down, tell her I found out the secret is to eat less. She laughs and from that day on starts bothering me daily about what my "real" secret is.
>Explain calorie counting one day.
>"What program?" "uh no program, just counting the calories" "How much does it cost?" "Uh, free." Just laughs and keeps bothering me for my secret.
>Finally sit down with her one Friday when it's just us in the office and get her to take me seriously.
>"It really is just calorie counting, you always say you want to lose weight, I'd really like to help you."
>We figure out her TDEE, get her the myfitnesspal app, etc.
>She's genuinely appreciative, feels like she has the information and tools she needs, and we even plan her meals for the following week.
>Monday she comes in late, "Sorry I'm late my husband found this new gym that's only $10 a month so now I don't have to diet! We're going to do the treadmill every morning."
Fuck it.
>Lose over 100lbs over two years, coworkers generally supportive, complements and shit
>Receptionist is a bowling ball, approximately five foot in diameter
>Asked me how to lose weight when I was about 50lbs down, tell her I found out the secret is to eat less. She laughs and from that day on starts bothering me daily about what my "real" secret is.
>Explain calorie counting one day.
>"What program?" "uh no program, just counting the calories" "How much does it cost?" "Uh, free." Just laughs and keeps bothering me for my secret.
>Finally sit down with her one Friday when it's just us in the office and get her to take me seriously.
>"It really is just calorie counting, you always say you want to lose weight, I'd really like to help you."
>We figure out her TDEE, get her the myfitnesspal app, etc.
>She's genuinely appreciative, feels like she has the information and tools she needs, and we even plan her meals for the following week.
>Monday she comes in late, "Sorry I'm late my husband found this new gym that's only $10 a month so now I don't have to diet! We're going to do the treadmill every morning."
Fuck it.
Tuesday 8 October 2013
>grew up in sports-oriented family
>all siblings, dad, mom were huge into competitive sports
>mom starts being a cunt when my sibs and I are in junior high
>dad gets really depressed/angry/unmotivated
>starts gaining weight because all he does is drink case after case of beer
>10 years later, dad is slovenly celestial body
>damn near 450 pounds
>dad calls up the other day, "hey son let's go gambling I'll teach you all I know"
>pick him up at his house, he can walk but it's more like awkward toddle-wobbling
>he's out of breath when he reaches the car
>get to casino, forget that dad can't move well, so park in the usual garage that's a decent walk away from the gaming hall
>we start walking, get about 20 feet and he says he needs to sit and rest
>he sounds like he's dying, wheezing and gasping
>tells me to go ahead and he'll catch up
>shrug and move on, wait 20 minutes, decide to go look for him because shit it's been 20 minutes
>can't find him, so give his cell a ring
>"oh hey son I got the shuttle to take me to the front, meet me there"
>go to front of the gaming hall, he waddles in through the doors with an ice cream
>"Dad where the hell did you get ice cream?"
>he explains that there was one of those froyo self serve stations on the way to the elevators that go to the parking shuttle
>my dad is going to die soon
>all siblings, dad, mom were huge into competitive sports
>mom starts being a cunt when my sibs and I are in junior high
>dad gets really depressed/angry/unmotivated
>starts gaining weight because all he does is drink case after case of beer
>10 years later, dad is slovenly celestial body
>damn near 450 pounds
>dad calls up the other day, "hey son let's go gambling I'll teach you all I know"
>pick him up at his house, he can walk but it's more like awkward toddle-wobbling
>he's out of breath when he reaches the car
>get to casino, forget that dad can't move well, so park in the usual garage that's a decent walk away from the gaming hall
>we start walking, get about 20 feet and he says he needs to sit and rest
>he sounds like he's dying, wheezing and gasping
>tells me to go ahead and he'll catch up
>shrug and move on, wait 20 minutes, decide to go look for him because shit it's been 20 minutes
>can't find him, so give his cell a ring
>"oh hey son I got the shuttle to take me to the front, meet me there"
>go to front of the gaming hall, he waddles in through the doors with an ice cream
>"Dad where the hell did you get ice cream?"
>he explains that there was one of those froyo self serve stations on the way to the elevators that go to the parking shuttle
>my dad is going to die soon
Monday 7 October 2013
>Be 17 on AOL... Find a cutie from GA..
>I be Mirin' that pic of hers
>Imagine what I'm going to do to that innocent >Southern ass. Too bad I live in CO.
> Go to university.. a year later she tells me she
>transferred to my Uni..
>yay.jpg
>Go to her dorm room. Jupiter answers the door
>is xxx there please?
>no she is not, sorry.
>cry.exe when it turns out Jupiter was her.....
>Fukyoubitch.rar for lying to me about being cute.
>and sending me a pic from years ago...
>weighing at least 100 lbs more now...
>and acting like you have the moral high ground
>when I don't want to touch that.....
>Jupiter worked as card swiper at rec center
>So she would give me the yourapist.png look
>every time I walked in.
>I be Mirin' that pic of hers
>Imagine what I'm going to do to that innocent >Southern ass. Too bad I live in CO.
> Go to university.. a year later she tells me she
>transferred to my Uni..
>yay.jpg
>Go to her dorm room. Jupiter answers the door
>is xxx there please?
>no she is not, sorry.
>cry.exe when it turns out Jupiter was her.....
>Fukyoubitch.rar for lying to me about being cute.
>and sending me a pic from years ago...
>weighing at least 100 lbs more now...
>and acting like you have the moral high ground
>when I don't want to touch that.....
>Jupiter worked as card swiper at rec center
>So she would give me the yourapist.png look
>every time I walked in.
Sunday 6 October 2013
>be a tradesman doing real work
>need to get paperwork for current sitework from office
>two fat women inhabit the office
>go into office to find paperwork
>oh god the smell
>five or six open plastic containers containing curry, soup, left over sausages, pizza etc
>musty sweaty fatty smell mixed with this
>also tea, they drink tea non stop
>complete barrage of my smell sense
>they are sitting watching YouTube clips and guffawing
>leave immediately
>get the apprentice to find the paperwork instead.
>need to get paperwork for current sitework from office
>two fat women inhabit the office
>go into office to find paperwork
>oh god the smell
>five or six open plastic containers containing curry, soup, left over sausages, pizza etc
>musty sweaty fatty smell mixed with this
>also tea, they drink tea non stop
>complete barrage of my smell sense
>they are sitting watching YouTube clips and guffawing
>leave immediately
>get the apprentice to find the paperwork instead.
Saturday 5 October 2013
> Be today
> Be cashier at major grocery store
> Baggin shit like a cashier does
> Up comes Saturn and presumably her daughter Titan
> Lays out relatively healthy food (caught me off guard)
> Lean Quizene, Weight Watchers, fruit and veggies
> okay.jpg maybe they are trying to be healthy
> Continue scanning, they strike up a conversation about trying to lose weight but it doesn't seem to be working
> Out of no where a random dozen of donuts appear
> what.exe
> Another appears, ice cream follows, 2 liters approach, seemingly endless belt of candy
> They keep preaching that losing weight is impossible
> I tell them to look at whats on the belt and see how unhealthy it is
> Saturn angry
> Explain to them that if they cut all this out of their diets they will begin to lose weight faster, and save a ton of money
> Saturn furious
> Tells me thyroid problem + big bones + genetic + gym is expensive + healthy food is expensive
> Is buying $103 worth of junk food
> ohwell.jpg I tried
> Wish them a good day and begin on next customer
> 15 minutes later manager tells me I am going to be put through sensitivity training or be fired.
> allofmywat.dll
> Be cashier at major grocery store
> Baggin shit like a cashier does
> Up comes Saturn and presumably her daughter Titan
> Lays out relatively healthy food (caught me off guard)
> Lean Quizene, Weight Watchers, fruit and veggies
> okay.jpg maybe they are trying to be healthy
> Continue scanning, they strike up a conversation about trying to lose weight but it doesn't seem to be working
> Out of no where a random dozen of donuts appear
> what.exe
> Another appears, ice cream follows, 2 liters approach, seemingly endless belt of candy
> They keep preaching that losing weight is impossible
> I tell them to look at whats on the belt and see how unhealthy it is
> Saturn angry
> Explain to them that if they cut all this out of their diets they will begin to lose weight faster, and save a ton of money
> Saturn furious
> Tells me thyroid problem + big bones + genetic + gym is expensive + healthy food is expensive
> Is buying $103 worth of junk food
> ohwell.jpg I tried
> Wish them a good day and begin on next customer
> 15 minutes later manager tells me I am going to be put through sensitivity training or be fired.
> allofmywat.dll
Friday 4 October 2013
Thursday 3 October 2013
Wednesday 2 October 2013
Okay no more Sex With Fat People stories
Yes some (a lot) were pretty shit, there was a backlog of sex with fat people stories. There's one more, then we'll be back to our regular programming.
Also still looking for FREE information for health, fitness, weight control, etc. If you got a link postem.
Also still looking for FREE information for health, fitness, weight control, etc. If you got a link postem.
Tuesday 1 October 2013
Veni. Vidi. Vici.
Check it:
>Out at bar with bros, arrive considerably late because we were barhopping
>Already pretty smashed from previously ingested drinks
>Try to dance with a 6.34/10 but she's a fucking stuck up cunt
>Walk to the bar, ask for 7&7, Blonde landmass eyeing me something fierce
>MY DICK IS GETTING WET
>Best bro notices me walking in her direction and tries to stop the massacre before it begins
>Tell him it's too late, I've already committed to the sacrafice
>Engage Diabeetus Betty with my witty banter
>Tell this bish I wanted to squirtle on them jiggly puffs
>The oils in her deep fryer begin to churn, it's off to her place
>Talks to me about niggers constantly hitting on her on the ride there (Why am I not surprised?)
>Her apartment is literally just a fridge and a mattress on a box spring, wreaks of weed
>She strips down to bra and panties
>Gelatinous waterfalls of fat EVERYWHERE
>Body has no shape to it whatsoever
>She puts on the condom
>IT'S GO TIME
>Fuck her missionary and become hypnotized by melodic waves of fat rippling between her cunt and chin
>Get completely disgusted and tell her to flip over for doggie
>OMG WHAT HAVE I DONE
>Her ass is literally none existent
>Somehow, her fat has managed to avoid her tits and ass completely and conglomerated into one giant gunt, her gut and her cunt successfully became one entity.
>Midway through fucking her doggie I lose my erection
>She starts gobbling my giblets like a turkey dinner
>Boner revived
>Fuck her doggie one last time until I'm completely disgusted
>In fear of losing my hard on again and having the night be a complete waste, I tell her to lie on her back so I can come on her tits (Which were more like loose sacks of skin)
>After about 5 sets of 30 reps on my dick, I finally bust one
>Wipe my dick on her mattress and tell her I gotta get back to my friends
>Leave her apartment and call one of my bros to get me
>Out at bar with bros, arrive considerably late because we were barhopping
>Already pretty smashed from previously ingested drinks
>Try to dance with a 6.34/10 but she's a fucking stuck up cunt
>Walk to the bar, ask for 7&7, Blonde landmass eyeing me something fierce
>MY DICK IS GETTING WET
>Best bro notices me walking in her direction and tries to stop the massacre before it begins
>Tell him it's too late, I've already committed to the sacrafice
>Engage Diabeetus Betty with my witty banter
>Tell this bish I wanted to squirtle on them jiggly puffs
>The oils in her deep fryer begin to churn, it's off to her place
>Talks to me about niggers constantly hitting on her on the ride there (Why am I not surprised?)
>Her apartment is literally just a fridge and a mattress on a box spring, wreaks of weed
>She strips down to bra and panties
>Gelatinous waterfalls of fat EVERYWHERE
>Body has no shape to it whatsoever
>She puts on the condom
>IT'S GO TIME
>Fuck her missionary and become hypnotized by melodic waves of fat rippling between her cunt and chin
>Get completely disgusted and tell her to flip over for doggie
>OMG WHAT HAVE I DONE
>Her ass is literally none existent
>Somehow, her fat has managed to avoid her tits and ass completely and conglomerated into one giant gunt, her gut and her cunt successfully became one entity.
>Midway through fucking her doggie I lose my erection
>She starts gobbling my giblets like a turkey dinner
>Boner revived
>Fuck her doggie one last time until I'm completely disgusted
>In fear of losing my hard on again and having the night be a complete waste, I tell her to lie on her back so I can come on her tits (Which were more like loose sacks of skin)
>After about 5 sets of 30 reps on my dick, I finally bust one
>Wipe my dick on her mattress and tell her I gotta get back to my friends
>Leave her apartment and call one of my bros to get me
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