I assure this story is true.

>Minding my own business at my local QFC searching the aisles for some quality foods.
>Got a basket full of eggs, fish, batter and some milk.
>Start heading over to the vegetable aisle thinking about my awesome food and how much I can't wait to cook it.
>Suddenly
>A loud "FUCK" then a crash, the sound of metal and glass hitting the floor and then "HALP, HALP ME!"
>What in the world...
>I walk, because running would hurt mah gains, over to the aisle where this commotion came from
>There, before me, was a sight of sights
>Condiments all over the place
>A large woman sprawled out on her back wriggling about, creating a beautiful color condiment painting
>"HALP, HALP ME!"
>Mam! It's going to be okay. I workout.
>I stand over her legs more than shoulder length apart... I realize this is going to be a sumo deadlift if I ever a sumo deadlift was done.
>I tell her to wrap her arms around my neck and secure her by locking my arms under her armpit and then try to deadlift that fucking RAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
>Failure.
>I-I'm sorry.
>Wait for one of the grocery guys and together we manage to crossfit deadlift her fatass and help her up.
>"Thank you, Thank you!"
>It's okay Mam'
>Then I'm struck with a moment of clarity, it's frightening, I realize something is very wrong here.
>I do a quick doubletake at the shelves
>Where the fuck is the malt vinegar
>I slowly, without moving my head, look down at the ground. And there... in a brown pool are all the Malts.
>No! Fish and Chips night ruined!


Fucking ruined my whole night.