>be at work (grocery store)
>supervisor, but sometimes have to act as cashier if it gets busy
>it's busy
>hamplanet comes through my line with her daughter and grand daughter
>child remarks "this pizza is for me!"
>hamplanet says "man, I wish I was you. Seriously, she eats twice as much as me, and I still gain weight!"
>smirk on the inside
>child then says "that's because I exercise a lot"
>hamplanet has nothing to say and pays the total

I was so proud of that little girl.

>Be working at summer camp
>One week we get a new employee
>She is literally the ugliest fattest landwhale ive ever seen.
>Easily 400 lbs.
> would eat green tea powder and chocolate powder plain straight out of the tub with a spoon
> constantly complained about the rugged terrain and having to walk up hills
>her stench was unbearable, like a turd in the sun.
>staff cabins segregated by gender
>all the girls say she freely gets naked at night and farts horrendously in her sleep.
>I cant fathom the other horrors that happen in the girls cabin
>anyways she couldnt even walk 50 feet without having to stop and take a 5 minute break
> so fat that the staff uniform shorts we had to wear didnt come in a size big enough, so she just let the inner thigh seams rip and waddled around with her gargantuan thighs shuffling against eachother like some horrible suspended front-butt out in the open for everyone to see.
> one time the staff area plumbing clogged up and nobody could use the bathrooms.
>maintenance guy checks out the pipes and finds a massive pair of panties covered in shit and blood clogging up the pipes.
>mfw she got her period and bled everywhere and tried to flush the evidence.
>mfw this bitch actually thought she was attractive
>mfw she only lasted 2 weeks
>mfw i hate fat people

>At gym
>17 year old fatasfatass walks in with brand new gear, looks like she must be resolutionfag
>Goes on leg-press machine
>25kg
>3 reps
>gets off sweating like a pig
>drinks 1L of water and rolls out mat and does 5 sit-ups
>spends next 45 minutes walking around talking to people trying to exercise

>mom has been 100 lb her entire life
>is now starting to put on a little weight
>Decide to be upfront with her weight problem since she's been a fairly athetlic person her entire life
>bring it up during lunch
>"mom, you're gaining a little weight"
>"What do you mean?"
>"your stomach, you have a little ..ya know"
>"Oh, that's just loose muscle"
>Just loose muscle
>LOOSE MUSCLE
>MY FUCKING FACIAL EXPRESION

>be at grandparents
>mom is fat
>get call from her job at 10pm
>she had a seizure do to lack of fluids
>mom eats unhealthy foods anyways
>me and my grandmother go to pick her up
>joke some about her eating habits
>mfw my mom actually gets a salad for dinner and drinks water the next day
>mfw it might be the only time and she will go back to unhealthy eating habits
>mfw the next seizure puts her into a coma
seriously why do fat people think that they wont have medical problems from the way they eat, drink, and live?

>be 15
>be at a local town center with my friend
>he's high I'm not
>walking around in a tank top because I want to show off my traps and biceps
>walking over to car all the way across this big ass town center
>already tired from leg workout that day
>kind of walking slowly
>two hamplanets see me and highfriend
>hamplanet 1 says "you'd think he'd be able to walk since he's soOoOo buff"
>hamplanet 2 laughs and says "yeah I bet it's all those roids weighing down on him"
>highfriend thinks I didn't hear them
>nope.jpg
>turn my ass around and say "dude I forgot something"
>we catch up with hamplanets
>Say "Hey you guys been to the ice cream store?"
>"no"
>highfriend has no idea what im doing
>say "Oh well my friend and I just thought we would take you because you guys are kind of cute."
>both of them giggle and say yes
>start walking towards where car is again
>highfriend is like wtfbro
>say "You guys are pretty cute, you must get this from a lot of guys, huh?"
>hamplanets say yes
>yaokay.avi
>we get to the icecream store
>tell them to get whatever they want it's our treat
>highfriend and I already ate so it's all good
>of course they get the biggest shit they can
>start grinning like a mad man
>highfriend realizes what im about to do and prepares the door
>tell them they can start eating ill just go pay
>whisper to the cashier that they are stealing food
>cashier calls security
>walk to hamplanets
>say "It's all taken care of ladies, but you guys should really learn not to run your mouths when you've got massive cottage cheese thighs."
>they realize I heard what they said
>let out three massive protein farts before I leave
>highfriend opens door and we sort of speed walk away
>hamplanets dazed by my poisons
>Yell "Fucking hamplanets."
>leave
>mfw

Never heard what actually happened to them, but I'm sure nothing too serious.

>make a post on reddit about Django
>1500 upvotes, 300> comments

>make a post about fat people
>gets up to 2500 upvotes, but then downvoted by fatties to 1200
>4000< comments
>mfw so many angry fatties in the thread

http://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/175ncq/if_only_genetics_werent_so_cruel_to_these_people/

>high school
>head computer guy is pretty fat, he was supposedly in the SAS and broke a leg when his parachute fucked, thus was honorably discharged
>one day some abos break into the school and steal some bags
>computer guy sees it
>gets a kid to call the police
>immediately chases after abo kids
>no joke, this guy is at least 120kg
>pulls himself/leaps over the school fence like it ain't no thang (it's about 2.3 metres high)
>catches up to the abo kids in seconds
>one of them pulls a knife on him
>slaps it away like it ain't no thang
>manages to grab both the abo kids and SITS ON THEM until the police arrive

it was by far the best thing I've ever seen

>>Work at mcdonalds
>>running front register
>>2 hobo lookin landwhales walk in
>>5 feet from counter and i recieve an onslaught of piss smell mixed with odor of rancid rot
>>Near pass out
>>Says they will take it light today
>>orders 10 burgers
>>brags how they came in and ordered 100 burgers once

I guess I'll tell the story of first day of class

>another group assignment, same groups
>turn around and start writing in my notebook what needs to be done
>same girl whips out a bag of chips
>Sun Chips
>bag explodes and crumbs rain all over me
>"I'm so sorry"
>as she eats them, starts telling the group how healthy these chips are because they're whole grain all the way through the chip, not just a small part
>end me

>be 27, go back to school for masters, go to class
>girl sits in front of me
>turns out shes thin and cute as fuck, and 26
>really want to just tell her, genuinely, thank you for not being fat

>A year ago get feed up with being fat.
>Get gym membership.
>Work out every day.
>Get on a meal plan.
>Told I look thinner.
>look in mirror still see fat fuck that I am.
>Work out Even more.
>Still fat.
>Eat less.
>Still fat as hell.
>Pass out at gym.
>wake up in ER.
>Told that I'm malnourished.
>Told dangerously under weight.
>tell them no I'm fat ass hell.
>See shrink.
>She says I have "body dysmorphic disorder"
I still see that fat fucking loser in the mirror every fucking day.

>be college
>adolescent psychology class
>get to class, start reading book
>smell a smell, a smelly smell
>can't pin point it
>group assignment comes up
>turn around because I'm paired up with the row behind me
>black landwhale brought a box of 6 piece fried chicken into class
>wat?
Talking to her equally as large friend next to her how she feels guilty that people have to watch her eat this delicious meal.

>mfw it's only the second day of this shit

>go to America for conference
>last day i go to am American super market
>wow, the aisles are so wide here!
>they sell everything in one place!
>scooters everywhere
>people on them so fat they take up half the lane
>three coming towards me
>one honks at me
>"Do you want something"
>"move it foreigner!"
>press myself againt the aisle
>one of them rolls over both my feet anyway
>"ARRRRRGH"
>"Watch it skinny!"
>I collapse on the floor
>"Always give way to scooters kid, we have right of way in this country!"
>guy in vest comes running over as i am still screaming
>calls for ambulance and police to be called over a radio
>see coppers arrest one of the riders at the gates, they are going nuts over how they have right of way because they are disabled, and the guy she hit wasn't even an American
>mfw i realize it was a family of three, all on scooters
>friend i am there with gets me away from the ambos before i am loaded into the van
>feet hurt so fucking much
>tells me that under no circumstances am i to go to the hospital here
>takes me to airport and fills me with painkillers
>get home after long flight, out of it most of the time
>paramedics waiting at the airport in Melbourne
>8 fractures across both feet, three in one 5 in the other
>mfw in a wheelchair and refused to use a mobility scooter when one was offered

>be high school health class
>teacher is a fucking cow
>torso pretty much round
>spent a week learning cpr
>exam time
>have to perform the heimlich maneuver on fat teacher in front of class
>my turn comes
>step behind fatty
>put arms around it
>pull in and up
>most disgusting feeling ever
>almost threw up
>sit back down
>next girl goes up
>can't fit arms around fatty
>she fails the test

>go to arby's for dat bulk (shit-tier for bulking though, never going back)
>walking in, see guy pulling his ambulocetus wife in a wheelchair
>I live in the northern tip of the bible belt, I see confederate flags fairly often, and I have never really seen a woman this fucking fat before, she's not insane by FPS standards, but she's not ordinary
>this poor guy is trying to keep the door open while he's pulling her in but the door is hitting her
>she bitches in her whalespeak
>this poor guy looks as exasperated as possible, like he's seen his buddies die in vietnam again flashing before his eyes
>this is so terribly depressing I think it's why my meal sucked
fucking fatties

This one is called revenge of the fit

>be at party
>chatting up cute girl
>out of the corner of my eye a cow appears
>notcool.jpg
>the girl and I go to the kitchen
>I grab find some ice cream in the freezer
>gave it to the fatty and smiled
>girl I'm with is cracking up
>fatty's friends look horrified
>fatty's face is priceless
>walk off

did that a few times actually

>in the metro the other day
>train arives, I let people get out
>nobody came out for like 5 seconds, decide to go in
>suddenly feel the train shaking, hear heavy, heavy breathing coming closer
>just stand there in horror, could not move, expected to get torn to pieces by some raging hippo or worse
>finally find the courage to turn my head and see the most monstrous thing I ever saw in RL
>a woman so fat that you could literally place a whole beer crate on her fat ass - which would probably even sink in far enough to be well protected
>mfw it took her probably 30 seconds to move 5m through the train
>mfw from that she breathes like she is about to die from an heart attack
>mfw I realize the cancer spreads worldwide

>at a bus stop
>two bitches so fat they had old people walker
>bus pulls up
>bus driver sees fatties
>bus driver walks to the back of the bus
>initiates air suspension
>bus tilts over
>pulls leaver
>ramp folds out
>fatties waddle up it
>took like five minutes
>proceed to next stop
>anotherfattie.org
>bitch is so fat shes in a fucking electric wheel chair
>not even kidding
>looked like an oompa loompa ate 10 oompa loompas and then chewed that gum that makes you balloon up except the ballon is filled with lard
>bus driver walks to the back of the bus
>initiates air suspension
>bus tilts over
>pulls leaver
>ramp folds out
>fattie goes up the ramp
>reinflate air suspension
>strap down the fatty so she doesnt roll around the bus like a bowling ball
>took like ten minutes

thanks, fatties

Why don't people ever talk about Russian genetics?

>High school
>Popular fat as fuck Russian kid that speaks broken English
>Playing basket ball in gym
>He gets winded, has to take a break
>Some people go over and talk with him
>Somehow they bet him that he can't do a handstand pushup
>He does a handstand
>Already surprised
>Hammers out 6 reps
>almost shit myself

>Have friend with thyroid problem
>/fit/ links me to a couple studies
>Tldr; thyroid problems only lead to about 15lbs of weight gain at miss
>Friend always complains about how she can't lose weight because of it
>She's about 50lbs overweight
>I sit there and bite my tongue so I don't offend my friend by telling her the truth

It's awful. She also won't believe me when I tell her lifting weights will help her burn fat.

doyouknowhowthisworks.jpg

>be shift manager at retail pharmacy.
>be third busiest day of the year (jan 1st) 5pm with 125 scripts in the queue with 4 flu shots waiting and no light at the end of the tunnel.
>Running interference as best I can at the drive thru.
>station wagon pulls up with this monstrosity of a ham planet with all of the windows down sweating profusely in 20 degree weather.
>proceeds to quite literally scream at me that she could have DIED waiting in the line of cars i took so long.
>imsosorrywhatcanidoforyou.jpg
>"I'm out of insulin syringes I need a fucking insulin syringe"
>colormesurprised.jpg
>I'm sorry ma'am, its store policy that we do not sell them through.....
>"I don't want you to SELL ME one! I want you to give me one its a fucking emergency!!!"
>She's screaming so loud my pharmacy manager swings around and rips the phone out of my hand "Show me the god damn insulin then!"
>she shows the bottle and he motions to just hand her one. mumbles under his breath "the biggest gauge we have" lol.jpg
>pharmacistdiscretion.jpg
>a half hour later hamplanet comes waddling up to the pharmacy counter inside the store asking if her prescription is ready.
>yes it is
>"can you ring this up too?"
>full on hands me a completely empty 2 liter bottle of mountain dew. and three empty snickers wrappers.

You brave soul

>few years ago worked at mcdonalds
>worked drive thru handling money
>manatee is behind the wheel of an suv
>purchases at least $30 worth of food
>says she has a coupon
>lifts her flabs and mysteriously like she's david copper pulls out a coupon that's covered in sweat and smells like death
>all of my wat

this is why you are fat

>fat sister, not terribly fat but overweight
>not in bad fitness shape, runs and exercises often
>"i'm just big boned"
>tries to follow paleo
>fails due to love of bread
>tell her that she needs to eat better and less food
>she tells me she already does this
>bake cookies, leave leftover dough in fridge
>she eats it all when she thinks no one is looking
>usually eats only healthy food, but over 3500 calories and 6 meals of such food daily

>be black
>have dyel white roommate
>he starts going to the gym last semester
>i go with him once
>he only uses machines
>makes no progress
>3 months later he gives up
>he says he's an ectomorph so he cant gain muscle
>he says i'm only buff cuz i'm black
>tell him i've been working out for 4 years at the gym
>he insists cuz i'm black
>i realize he truly is upset about this
>share my kfc meal with him and take him out for a grape soda afterward

>Hamplanet, being a hamplanet, has a typical hamplanet diet.
>Simple sugars. Starches. Greasy meat.
>No fiber. EVER.
>We quickly figured out that hamplanet does not just take shits
>She takes multihour dump-a-thons, and always comes out fucking soaked with sweat and heaving. She’s so fuck huge that she’s lost the ability to simply crap.
>With that taken care of, 2 of roommates and me are lurking in living room
>Someone brings up some funny ass shit. Not sure what it was, but I shot milk out my nose.
>Went to crapper to grab tissue
>Door is unlocked. Assume all is well inside.
>How did Ganymede get in here?
>Oh wait, that’s hamplanet. Legs. Wide. Open.
>THE SMELL. THE GODDAMN SMELL. Like a 15 year old tuna salad sandwich made love to a cesspit. Like a freshly opened can of surstromming, atop century eggs.
>PANTIES STRETCHED TO THE POINT OF FAILURE, GREY WITH FILTH, BEGGING TO BE PUT OUT OF THEIR MISERY.
>JIGGLING CELLULITE. THE GRAND CANYON MAPPED IN STRETCH MARKS. A massive 1970’s grade unkempt bush, a dreadlocked, crusted afro is my savior from further ocular trauma.
>Slam door shut
>Do not pass go, do not collect $200, run DIRECTLY to campus gym, spend rest of day showering.

The Legend of Coach Pat

>high school
>huge as fuck teacher/coach named Coach Pat
>essentially a fat as fuck, pasty, neckbeard, ball of fat, easily 400 pounds
>past is shrouded in mystery
>rumors he used to be a Navy Seal, Marine Recon, or Green Beret
>always very lenient with girls in his classes, forever cockblocking and being rude to boys
>in my 4 years of high school i NEVER saw him walking or even standing
>would always mysteriously be posted up in a chair in his classroom, outside collecting money for pep rallies, football games, etc.
>would drive his truck out to the middle of playing fields, various places on campus to avoid walking
>constantly see campus security transporting him with golf carts
>2 years after graduating find out he died

>be sitting outside apartment thinking about suicide
>sun is shining, beautiful girls walk by, the self hatred increases
>two fatasfatasses appear
>one 20yo the other 13yo
>both wearing all grey loose fitting weird clothes
>both having a 1.5l soda in the stomachpocket
>didnt even notice at first because the stomachs big as fuark from beginning
>they walk up to the antique-store next to my apartment
>proceed to steal chairs from their outside cafe
>they can barely get them up as the back of the chairs hit their stomach when trying to lift them up
>they both look at me
>now im fearing for my life
>thinking to myself “i dont want to die like this, i want to end this myself”
>they just stare at me and then the older one shouts
>”HEY ITS OK WE KNOW THE OWNER THEY DONT MIND”
>”I JUST DONT LIKE WHEN GUYS LIKE YOU STARE AT ME AND MY SISTER LIKE YOU ARE BETTER THAN US”
>”JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE A GYM ADDICT DOESNT MAKE YOU BETTER THAN US”
>im sitting there silent with my mouth open the entire time
>they waddle off
>lol to myself and go inside
>my suicide will have to wait for another day

>work in a lab
>fat as fuck 50 year old lab tech
>gets stomach staple surgery
>continues to eat taco bell for every meal
>still fat
>only talks about her dogs
>assoc. professor runs the lab since PI is director of pediatrics
>she's a bitch to assoc professor
>assoc professor hates fat people and has her perform bullshit assays all day even though she is a competent lab tech
>she hates her job which fuels her eating