Curry Stain: Looks a bit like a Walrus face if you blur your eyes

Curry Stain

Walrus Face

The Proverbial Straw

>hosting at steakhouse
>a wild pod of hambulocetidae appears
>willing to wait for a booth
>dem cushions be good for pressure sores I guess
>try to order appetizers while they wait in lobby
>no dice
>table's ready, scared I'll get devoured if they get too close as I show them in
>ham jrs go in first, mama and papa ham seal off either bench
>tightest squeeze, cellulite is oozing onto the table everywhere
>1st course - ranch salads and appetizers for all
>dat bottomless beetus beverage
>2nd course - ham jrs each inhale rib-eye dinners with extra sides
>mama ham has two chicken breast/half-rack combo dinners
>papa ham has 24oz prime rib, extra side
>dat bottomless beetus beverage, dat bottomless bread basket
>booth normally seats 6, these 4 had too much food, must be eaten in waves
>damn
>night goes on
>why isn't table 31 clearing?
>desserts are gone, why isn't 31 clearing?
>night goes on
>
>
>
>
>
>
>see GM walking through DR with power tools
>WTF?

Seriously, during service that's a big no-no

>see GM using electric drill to unfasten bolts securing table 31 to floor
>lose sight of GM as ham-flesh displaced by table comes gushing down as table loosens
>GM resurfaces for air at last

MFW at some point that night they took a bite that caused them to expand beyond manageable girth.
Since that night we were no longer allowed to seat fat people at booths.

Burgerrrrrrrxxxx :DDDDDDDDDDD

>Be downtown san francisco
>Waiting to meet a dude to buy weed
>Hungry, only have 15 minutes time
>Go to subway
>As I sit down to eat my food a teetering tower of fat walks in
>Footlong chipotle chicken flatbread sandwich
>No vegetables, extra ranch sauce
>Large diet coke, of course
>She stows it in her folds and walks out