I died a little that day

>Work in a gym
>Talking to members when I take note of this large lady
>Walks straight to these machines called NuSteps
>Think nothing of it
>Start wiping machines and notice her drink is from McDs, no lid, and on the ground
>Go over there to tell it to get rid of the drink
>As I walk up to her, I see she is eating a Big Mac
>The inner rage mixes with my shame for humanity
>Tell her she needs can't eat in the gym
>gets mad at me and compares it to protein shakes
>Says Im targeting her because shes fat
>Her shitstorm of a reaction builds up and eventually gets her membership revoked

But for real, what the fuck?

Another one
>2013 Jan
>Sitting at desk
>Large woman walks in and gets on a recumbent bike
>5 minutes later notice something odd about her drink choice
>Lady has a gallon of sweet tea with a huge straw coming out of the top
>Before I even react lady packs her stuff
>As she walks by the desk she says "Boy that was a great workout! Worked up a sweat"

How to these hamplanets even reacto to being handled like this? You described it fairly clinical and neutral but if I was in the position of the hambeast I'd be fucking ashamed to need help like that. Hell, I'd buy myself some gloves so I could at leasttake hold of those wheel-things and brake the descent a bit.

>worked at nursing home
>get this one whale
>double wide wheelchair
>I have to push this mound that is roughly 3 times my own size
>out a double-door that does NOT open automatically, the door is too narrow so I need to open both at the same time
>If go forwards, can't open in front of the wheelchair I'm behind
>If go backwards, the doors will slam into the whale's legs, I'll get in trouble
>god bless nurses, one sees me and opens the doors for me
>next up
>a hill
>an uphill
>drawing vector diagrams in my head
>axis at angle
>down/backward component of gravity nearly exceed forwards component of my pushing force
>throw my back into it, abdomen against back of wheelchair
>seat is some sort of double-reinforced fabric
>which means it's bulging out from the mass on the other side of it
>well, that's what scrubs are for
>haul this beast up the hill like Sisyphus
>but wait
>coming back the same way
>take wheelchair down the hill backwards so the lardtub doesn't just fall out of it
>constant exertion to control descent
>warning: thrusters reaching critical
>error, error
>one side of chair gaining more speed than other
>starts tilting
>ah fuck no
>use body to bump it back level
>look down
>part of its shirt that is bulging over the containing wall of the wheelchair's seat is completely soaked in sweat
>scrubs are short sleeved
>contact established

>scrub myself raw when I get home

Quality is fucking tight lately.

>Genetic major
>Innalab
>Studying mutagens
>Sitting between qt redhead and 200lb polynesian female, opposite South African gymbro
>Demonstrator tells us to partner up with out neighbour
>Start to feel nervous
>Quickly count pairs off down the table I'm at
>no please
>please god no
>"Ah'm Repecca" (no typo their ape language doesn't have a 'b')
>"A-Anon"
>South Africunt is losing his shit
>Here we fucking go
>To start the lab we have to prepare two dozen cultures of salmonella
>I have to pipette the bacteria onto the dish because she literally cannot get the tip into the test-tube
>She starts talking about food
>I thought this was an exaggeration, but she literally waxed eloquent for the ten minutes it took me to prepare the cultures about McDonalds
>Mention I work at KFC, still trying to be reasonably polite
>"OH MY GOD THAT'S AMAZING DO YOU GET A STAFF DISCOUNT"
>Tell her I don't eat there if I can help it
>She stares at me like I'm retarded
>Finish last culture just in time, time for the next part of the lab
>South Africunt is still wearing that shit-eating apartheid grin
>Glare at him
>We had to bring our own 'mutagens', basically for fun to see what household items were potential mutagens
>The Titanic Tongan brought nothing, staying true to her theme of doing nothing helpful
>Bitch probably would have brought an apple or something anyway
>I brought along a baggie of brotein powder
>Start preparing filter paper discs with it
>Tropic Thunder catches a whiff of it (ON cookies & cream masterrace)
>"That smells so good Anon. Is it cake mix? Can I try some?"
>Tell her no
>"Why not?" she tries to look at me with puppydog eyes, but she can't tilt her head down far enough due to excess chins
>Bertstare
>"You'll contaminate it."
>She huffs and starts to ignore me
>lol okay
>Finish prepping filter circles, share them out with the rest of the lab
>Apply various household products to cultures along with some confirmed mutagens from the lab staff in case none of our stuff works
>All without her help
>Four-hour lab, finish with 45 minutes to spare
>"Took you long enough."
>Ignore her by sheer force of will
>tfw I have to see her again in a fortnight at our next lab
>tfw she will either talk about food and do nothing to help or sit there being fat and not help
>tfw I'm going to do my PhD on genetic's impact on obesity

The butter horror

>Be working in mental home
>help with serving dinner every night
>platters of butter on the table for the consumers to use are laid out each evening
>since butter doesn't go bad we reuse it
>the butter is disappearing faster than normal
>think it's the consumers because retards do shit like that
>after a week or so of watching, don't see any suspicious butter-consuming habits
>stop thinking about it because notmyproblem.jpg
>a month later they fire one of the kitchen staff, i cover
>routines all fucked up because i've not worked it before
>carted some plates to the kitchen
>the dishwasher is a hamplanet mexican woman who is really goddamn stupid
>leave the cart there and start walk out
>realize i didn't grab a new empty cart because tired
>go back to the kitchen
>hamplanet is facing the other way and licking the butter
>licking the fucking butter
>mfw
>I cough and she jumps, pretends to be looking at the plate closely
>say nothing
>take the cart
>tell my supervisor what I saw later

turns out she was also eating the "still good" food from the consumer's plates

I love this guy. No homo.

>be inna frat, some time in my second year there
>feels pretty okay, honestly, they aren't as chadbrochill420 as they could have been
>three day weekend from school
>frat throws parties on saturday and sunday, completely blasts most of the communal alcohol we had for the weekend
>monday rolls around, like a quarter the frat wants to keep it going, throw another party, other guys holed up in their rooms studying
>very little alcohol is left
>cue Tim and Eric to the scene
>not a joke, literally their names, they were huge fans of the show, too
>they have an idea
>a brilliant, wonderful, stupid fucking idea
>we throw the shittiest party we can
>boring as fuck, no alcohol, only like a fourth of the rooms open
>thefuckareyouretardstalkingabout.graphictee
>"So listen, we all have that one chick in a class or whatever that's fat or ugly or something, but is constantly all over us trying to get into a frat party, right?"
>pretty accurate
>"So instead of being dickheads and telling them to fuck off, we just invite them to the shittiest party ever and they never want to come back!"
>looking back, this is the dumbest beta idea ever, but at the time they were drunk and persuasive, and it sounded funny as fuck
>everyone laughs, says it's a great idea
>the texting of many duffs begins.
>basically fat girls look at frat parties the same way skeezy guys do, they creep around the edges looking for someone drunk enough to take advantage of, so they all show up
>we start up the party in the shittiest way possible
>we've already had fully half of the remaining alcohol by the time they arrive
>no music
>lights are all up
>nothing 'party' is happening whatsoever
>chubby/fat girls start showing up by the pod
>they're quiet at first, we all continue to ignore them
>suddenly critical mass is reached, something clicks
>hungryskeletonbro gets grabbed by two chubsterschicks and pulled on to the dance floor
>like orcas separating the weak from the school
>one of the girls is playing music on her phone
>the dual fatties have him pinned between him
>"oh hungryskeleton, you're such a hottie, it's too bad the rest of your brothers don't want to dance! Teehee!"
>his despairing face calls out for help, though his crushed lungs are unable to form the words
>we look on in increasing horror as the dance floor is populated by living nightmares of blubber and tights
>theyrehavingfun.SWEETMOTHEROFCHRIST
>on this day our dumbass fucking frat had a grim reminder
>chubby girls are only timid at parties because their intimidated by the competition
>hungryskeletonbro2 fends off an orca attack from the dance floor with the help of IndianBro
>INITIATE PLAN B
>Everyone scatters to their rooms
>maybeifweignoretheproblemitwillgoaway.wwII
>I end up in my big bro's room playing dynasty warriors
>fuckyeah.CaoRen
>we're sitting on his half-sized futon, you know the type I'm talking about, there would conceivably be room for another person, but we're maximizing how much room we're taking up
>we assume the closed door will deter the hunters
>how could we be so wrong...
>door opens and two pufferfish enter
>we focus harder on chink-fighting
>"Oh hey guys, just playing some video games in here instead of hanging out with us ladies?"
>Bigbro was alpha as fuck, really cool dude
>"There's nothing I wanna see out there, so yeah."
>"Well it's a good thing we're in here then!"
>bonecrushers repeatedly try to sit on our laps, bigbro keeps pushing them away, telling them they're blocking the tv
>Shit, fucking Lu Bu mission
>they are completely undiscouraged
>he eventually climbs into his loft bed to keep playing, leaving me to sit with the more timid one on the futon
>Oh fuck, two squads attacking mine, gotta get my combo on
>alphafat, hanging off the ladder to the bed "Oh, are you trying to get away?"
>Bigbro "YES."
>af "I think you want me to come up there, teehee!"
>god why am I so shitty at dynasty warriors it's just fucking button mashing
>OHGODHELP
>entire crotch region suddenly being rubbed hard by betafatties flipper, her face is in my ear
>"We shouldn't let them have all the fun, should we?"
>drop controller, flee room
>bolt to the hallway, leaving Bigbro to his fate
>sorry bro
>emerge into the party area
>chaos and terror
>see original hungryskeletonbro literally running from the two orcas down one of the hallways
>everywhere bros being cornered, trying to bail each other out
>big blue has somehow heard about this
>has pushed southkoreanbro into a corner, is trying to make out with him but he keeps turning away
>consider abandoning him
>have to be strong, like indianbro
>"Hey Ji!"
>the light of hope comes across his face as he turns toward me
>bad call
>big blue's face engulfs his
>I can physically see her tongue pushing its way into his mouth
>channel mighty spirit of indianbro
>shove big blue
>she literally does not move, must weight at least three hundred pounds
>her maw turns toward me
>"Hey, get the fuck off him, he's engaged!"
>"Not too engaged to make out with a hottie, anon!"
>the beast is distracted
>SKbro runs
>I mean fucking runs, full on sprint
>suddenly realize I am alone on the dance floor with Jabba the blue
>"Oh I get it, you wanted me for yourself, huh, anon?"
>ITSCOMINGSLOWLYTOWARDSUS.DRR
>back away, shoulder against the wall
>"Don't you want a girl with big titties like mine?"
>literally cups the meatslabs resting on her belly and jiggles them at me
>why must I know this fear again
>my hand comes up against a corner
>OHGODNO.me
>fucking trapped
>trapped like a rat
>I'm going to die a kingmanlet crushed beneath a whale
>look around
>three or four other guys in similar situations
>the orcas are picking off betabros
>think about pushing her
>remember that my hands will only sink deeper into the nightmarish tarblubber that makes up her 'body'
>panicpanicpanic
>sudden eclipse of the hamsun as a chubster drifts closer to me in orbit
>I recognize her
>this is the one I have stat class with
>she makes eye contact with me, and looks concerned at the panic in my face
>my arm strikes out, trying to escape the blue sun's gravity well
>so close, come on!
>I grab the chubbies outstretched hand
>stupidest possible thing comes out of my retard mouth
>"No way, I've already got a date tonight!"
>Mighty predatory whale's face falls, Statchubby looks elated
>as the sun's attention turns away I hear her muttering "Her tits aren't as big as mine, fag!"
>all I feel is relief
>like taking the biggest dump ever while passing a test
>completely forget my hand is now linked with statchubby
>sudden pressure on hand
>OH GOD WHAT
>statchubby is beaming at me, looks happier than anything in the world
>"Oh, I uhm, uh."
>SC "It looked like you needed some help, anon, I'm glad I was here for you!"
>"Oh shit, uh, yeah, thanks for saving me, I guess."
>SC "I mean, I know I'm overweight, but gosh, she was gross!"
>awkwardlaugh.me
>SC "I'm glad I could help keep her away!"

She ended up walking with me to my room, wishing me a good night. She literally fucking kissed me on the forehead before leaving. I was a whiteknighting betafag in highschool, but I never fully understood the position I put people in until this girl did the same shit to me. It's fucking weird.

Alright, I've got like three or four more really solid ones and a smattering of other anecdotes, but I'll type them up. Included will be: The time one of the richfags actually bought a vintage harpoon, the time my frat realized we had a chubby chaser (read: designated bombsquad), and the last ride of indianbro.

Ok, this happened to me back in november years ago.

>Be fit. 182cm, 80kg 13%bf
>Walking with friends at Uni
>suddenly i hear weird skating sounds
>150kg girl on a skating board
>almost gets scared, but realize that she is going at 2km/h.
>Friends and i unconsciously stop walking, and start watching her. (People that fat are really rare around here.)
>she is getting closer.
>closer.
>closer...
>soon...
>just a bit more...
>cloooooose...
>almost here...
>She is 1 meter from us.
> we say "whats up"
>She looks at us "Oh, er... Hel---"
>She falls
>Weirdly enough, at the same time, a earthquake happens
>Thanks to her fat she quickly bounces up again.
>"Oh, sorry about that, teehee." She says
>"Take care next time" and we start walking again
>She comes after us
>"Maybe you can help me take care of me, next time". She says with these exact words.
>We just turn our heads to look at her, not understanding wtf is going on.
>She starts mumbling and gesturing. nothing makes sense
>i blink
>now i'm in the Spaghetti dimension
>everything is pasta
>World hunger was cured
>tfw no protein

>absorbing fascinating fish facts

>living in a fraternity early in college
>have just moved in, roommate not arrived yet
>older brothers decide to through a party
>keystoneandsorostitutes.png
>early in the night cool older bro, Tim, brings in 7/10 girl with giant rack, asking to use my refrigerator because my room is right next to the party area
>"y-yeah of course."
>girl leaves a dirty thirty of keystone in my fridge, I periodically grab one with her permission
>I hang out in my room watching Planet Earth because drunk/high
>third or fourth time entering the room she brings her friend
>the duff
>easily twice my weight, and I am king of manlets and not hungryhungryskeleton
>blue dress, literally looks like the blueberry bitch in willy wonka
>7/10 - "Thanks so much for letting us use your fridge anon, that's super cool of you!"
>"Oh, no problem, not like I had to do anything."
>at this point I am SUPER INTO this episode of Planet Earth.
>fucking open ocean, dude
>Blueberry "Yeah, anon, we totally owe you one, teehee!"
>fail to even register what is happening because too engrossed by fish
>7/10 "Do you mind if we just sit down for a minute before we leave?"
>only seating is futon, which I am currently sprawled halfway across absorbing fascinating fish facts from the hypnotic voice of Sir David Attenborough
>"Sure whatever."
>Teehee
>both sit down, I am completely ignoring them
>not being alpha, just that degree of drunk/high where this video was more important than anything else in my life
>leap to my feet, knocking my head against the lofted bed above me
>NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR PAIN
>the eyes of the predator are turning back toward me
>she has listed slightly to the left, blubbery flesh is now touching my foot, threatening to engulf my calf
>leap from the futon towards the door, opening it the rest of the way
>"OHSHITMANHOOKAHTHATSOUNDSGREATSUREDOLOVEHOOKAHHEYSORRYCAN'TSTAYGUESSYOUGOTTALEAVESORRY"
>the fat blocking its ears keeps it from understanding the words, but it understands this tone
>it's prey has escaped
>with an exasperated sigh, it rolls to its feet and waddles away as I flee my room, ready to abandon my every material possession
>it will be back, but I will be ready

Indianbro later told me the fatty is always trying this on new guys, they only let her in because her hot friends won't come if we kick her out, he'd been assigned to fatty defense that night. He did his job well. I have literally been hit by a car going thirty and I've never been that afraid. His were the hairy, brown, curlbro arms of an angel that night.

I have more stories about this bitch if you're interested, she was a fucking nightmare, there is nothing worse than a duff with wingbitches.

What in the shit.

>be a regular guy that doesn't hate or fear fat people
>walk into a bank
>everyone is losing their shit and screaming and hiding behind stuff
>fat lady tearing apart some banker's stuff in a cubicle. computer, chairs, desk walls, everything
>bellowing incoherently
>banker is curled up in a corner
>security is slowly inching toward her, too scared to actually do anything
>police show up
>attempt to taze
>she runs past them out the door
>punches a homeless black guy in his face and his cart falls over and he starts going schitzo
>she vanishes from sight, cops in pursuit.
>banker comes out shivering and is helped into a backroom.
>bankers tell me to wait 10 minutes while they gossip.

Big tits on fat chicks don't count, they look like half-deflated balloons

>work with some dudebro and a hamplanet
>sometimes brings in her ankle biting rat dog to stink up the place
>she is always bragging about her tits (which are big but proportional to her girth)
>constantly claiming she sore from starting P90-x
>one day "LMFAO-sexy and i know it" comes on her radio and she starts singing along
>gets the to part where it says "I work out"
>dudebro just shuts her down and says "no you don't"
>had some piece and quite for once that afternoon

America: Please sort out your mental health services, this person needs those services ASAP.

Why you are obligated to find me fucking attractive.

How about you go fuck right off.

Pastriarch: 10/10 for that one m8

>one summer a few years back, the fair is in town
>i'm with my family, younger cousins etc. pretty boring
>notice enormous flesh pile move into the periphery of my vision
>slowly moving towards the tea cup ride
>iwanttobelieve.jpeg
>i turn to see that there's an entire squadron of these lards
>they all have those spray bottles with motorized fans attached to the ends
>constantly spritzing themselves and one another and bitching about the heat
>it was a temperate summer evening
>drowning themselves in sprite and ice cream to cool off
>the pastriarch has paid his admission for the tea cup ride
>i have no idea how he was able to wedge himself into one of the cars, i guess his legs were relatively small compared to his astronomical gut
>after 1 minute he is visibly in agony
>all the other tea cups spin around as the carousel turns. his is eerily static
>he soon starts trying to flail his engorged limbs to get the attention of the carny
>the ride stops prematurely as everyone runs from their tea cups in horror
>the "man" is crying. the kind of crying you did when you were a child where you try to talk but you sort of start hiccupping instead
>there also appears to be blood coming from somewhere
>he can't get out of the tea cup and nobody knows what the fuck to do
>his herd are losing their shit, wailing and screaming "he's gonna die if you don't do something"
>amongst this chaos i see the second fattest from the group trying to get the others' attention
>she keeps saying, "they're gonna stop selling churros in an hour. we need to place an order NOW!"
>5 minutes pass before a toothless, bearded carny comes running with an angle grinder to destroy the overencumbered tea cup
>the mass had to be air lifted to hospital, with one of the paramedics refusing to be winched up alongside him for fear that the cable might break
>one of the other seismotrons had to be taken away by an ambulance after they started hyperventilating heavily
>i also won $10 at the pitch and toss

One from my job interview today.

>fat fuck with our group
>out of breath climbing 5 stairs
>gasping while putting on clean room suit
>you need to do that up
>I can't
>guy goes off to find a fucking tent or something
>doing tests and shit
>grunting over using tweezers cos his hands are so fat
>site tour goes past sweet canteen
>its like a restaurant seriously
>fat fuck suddenly has many questions
>I bet they threw away that clean room suit, it was soaked after 2hrs

Thank you for the story, skeleton

>work with this bitch who is hopelessly out of shape
>like 5'4'' 170 pounds of pure dough
>me, 5'11'' 165 lbs
>always says to me "anon you are so skinny hahahaha" like shes making fun of my or something
>always complains about having to walk anywhere
>claims she did enough walking on her vacation
>she smokes constantly (her teeth are brown as fuck)
>she is sitting across from me right now smacking her lips on some cookies while talking loudly in Chinese to her fat bald BF
>it takes all of my mana not to just grab the cookies out of her hand and throw them in the fucking garbage,

"a friend"

>Have Obese friend.
>He's a nice guy.
>Obese due to both medical shit and eating like shit.
>Takes the steps to become healthy and has lost 100 pounds +.
>He's gay.
>He gets laid now by guys mirin'.
>Goes to the gym with me everyday if he can.
>Things can only get better.

FOR YOU

>be lawyer
>be asked by senior partner for a lift to the railway station
>this guy
>this fucking guy
>he's a big guy
>a really big guy
>pretty sure the Asian Tsunami was caused by him visiting the beach and causing a particularly high tide
>so back to him needing a lift
>I drive a Porsche Boxster
>this is not a large car
>he squeezes into the passenger side
>his flab overflows the handbrake and the gear stick
>I literally could not take the handbrake off or put the car in gear
>because they were entombed in his flab
>fucker actually blamed it in me and told me off for getting him to the train station late

daily reminder that you are obliged to find fat girls attractive, you oppressive cis scum.

Fat Logic: Exhibit A

What kind of redneck state do you live in?

>Used to drive a 97 camaro the real sporty round ones
>was 17 volunteering at the church I've been at all my life
>New fat girl needs a ride to lunch with us and someone tells me to take her
>Mfw
>John and I load up and start blasting 24s by T.I.
>Fat girl waddles over
> take the roof off and yell sorry baby but old reds got a weight limit
>burnout into a sick drift to more burnouts
>Youth pastor punched me dead in the face when we got to rushes for endangering john in front of parents

YP and I live together now and john died.
fuck fatties
also
>fat girl hates me from then on
>gets a fat mexi boyfriend
>he wants to race
>I smoke him
>fattie visibly mad yelling at him for losing when we pull back up to church

I took this whole story as :
>hurr durr
>fuck fatties
>murica
>2fast2furious
>fuck cousin
>whoo yolo

This must be the good life below the mason dixon.

first story here so will prob be shitty. here goes.

>be me
>on bus
>i behold in front of me a massively obese human being, who appears to be female
>multiple chins appear beneath her piggy eyes
>in her hands she holds a mcdonalds ice cream and crams it into her pudgy mouth
>ice cream is dribbling down her chin(s)
>althrough the ride i had to smell the ice cream mixed with her sweat while she talks to her friend about "ugly guy"
>mfw she gets off her seat and her tights slip down, revealing her humongous behind

i almost threw up

Jennifer Lawrence in 10 years

lol he doesn't do 5x5 channel switchers

>recess
>talk about cardio with cardiobunny classmates
>fat girl in class enters and join the conversation
>"i have begin doing some cardio too. I lay the remote by the TV, so if i wanna switch channel i have to stand up
>MFW other girls in class cheer her about it
>MFW she was dead serious

Man, wish the home owners association would go fuck themselves out of here

>month ago on my birthday.
>party at my condo. drunk as fuck. having a good time
>9:30 pm, cops come. tell me to turn off music and whatever
>okay.png
>cops leave, drunkenly go go out on my deck and yell at no one in particular "CALLING THE COPS AT 9 PM? FUCK YOU FAGGOT! COME AT ME!" (not even kidding)
>3 mins later someone's pounding on my front door
>drunkenly open door
>some middle aged pudgy cunt starts screaming in my face "I'M THE FUCKING FAGGOT WHO CALLED THE COPS I'M SICK OF YOUR SHIT"
>started giggling listened to her for a minute before going "okay sorry bye!"
>she called the HOA the next day
>HOA called me claiming I was using slurs against her, threatening to fine me.
>okay whatever

Translation:

>Getting drunk and being obnoxious
>cops tell me to stop
>lol it takes 2 of you to kill me scrub get gud
>shout offensive language for all to hear, accomplishing nothing
>somebody takes offense to offensive words, reports me

>they are fat
>therefore I am in the right
Man I hate fat people

>eating at pizza hut because shitty friends birthday
>having good time,enjoying shit pizza and pasta as greasy as my ass crevice in leg day
>a couple hours comes a fat 450 pound man
>he ordered 2 large pizza,3 plates of wings and 4 jugs of pepsi
>all the time he was eating i was snarling and grinning near him,seeing the abomination he was
>after he finished the entire course in record time,he throws an angry look at me an waddles into the bathroom,which prompt me to follow him there
>fatman was there waiting at the door,he shoves me and call me a douchebag and an arrogrant asshole who makes fun of his condition and slaps me with his ham fist while shouting obscenities
>get pretty mad with him,shouts at him back,then i smashed the toilet mirror
>the reflection of the man i was is gone,now my hand is bleeding gravy
>i was the fat man all along

Shitty reasons for hating fat people

>See fat person
> Watch liike a hawke hoping for fps
>Keep watching
>Pray to zyzz hoping something happens
>Nothing happens except normal stuff
>Drive home disappointed
>Get great idea
>Decide to exaggerate normal actions of this person to impress a community of in the closet homosexuals
>TFW no gf

Same planet, different story (kinda like the next avatar movie):

>diet not working
>this chick's nose wouldn't run if she had a cold...
>nothing would jog her memory
>somebody hangs a poster in the lunch room about how to make healthy food choices
>mrs robotnik sees poster
>bursts into treats
>threatens to dodge grievance
>poster gets taken down
>my buddy finds it and put it up in front of her desk
>she reaches red-giant phase of her life cycle but says nothing
>luls were had

We tripple bypass now

>be me
>worked with spherical bitch
>kind of elusive large sea mammal which avoids being captured on film
>when doing a 'team wall' where team members had their photo put up on a wall next to their name/position/contact deets/interesting info, she insisted on bringing in her own photo from 10 years ago from before she entered quad-digit weight
>eats a whole baguette or cob loaf with a fatty cream-cheese based dip every day
>talks about going on some fancy diet to lose weight for wedding
>next day walks in with a giant frapacalolardaccino and muffin
>"oh I start my diet today, stuck on this healthy stuff now!"
>politely nod and smile as I leave the room before bursting into laughter