>at Walmart
>scooterfats errywhere
>no more scooters for actual disabled people
>suddenly a wild snorlax appears
>already sweating mayonnaise after walk from car
>no more scooters
>hambeast has shitfit because she has to walk more
>mayonnaise flies all over the greeters as ambulocetus flails around and cries about bad knees
>a kindly old veteran appears.
>He has only one leg, but manages to walk ok with a cane.
>slips on mayonnaise and falls
>greeters proceed to ignore hambeast and get a scooter for the veteran
>hambeast starts screaming about unfairness
>tries to hit the greeters
>takes a swing, slips on own mayonnaise and falls to the floor
>police arrive and arrest the flailing greasepile
>mfw they search her and find an open jar of mayo and four kilos of chicken wings
Have a story to contribute? Email us at storiesaboutfatpeople@gmail.com
Tuesday 31 December 2013
Monday 30 December 2013
Sunday 29 December 2013
Forgot about this one. This guy wasn't my patient but I was working the floor
>working on a unit that was short staffed for the night
>ham beast decided to take his own life and kill himself via a cocktail of meds that would have put a fucking rhino down.
>God has a twisted sense of humor. This 400 pound sack of shit still lives albeit with so many tubes going into him he is more hospital equipment then a person.
>respiratory bros come up to see how the breathing tube is working out and they come out pale. Like sheet white.
> the smell from the guys breathe was fucking horrible.
>Me and his nurse who is like 5ft3 go in to check out what's going on
>it's a rotting smell like that kind of sweet musky meat smell, like road kill.
> I mask up, gloves a gown and she does the same.
>this tiny, ballsy nurse who is acting like it doesn't smell at all finds the source
>there is a fungal growth on his molar. The combo of o2, warmth, and darkness made it grow. I leave almost vomiting.
>specialist came in first thing in the morning and yanked it although the dude was most likely going to die. He said if it weren't for the drying effect the o2 had it would have been so much worst and there is no way he could have picked it up in transit to the hospital or in it itself.
>fat guy has a fungal growth in his fucking tooth.
>every time me and that nurse see each other she chuckles.
Fat people have no hygiene
>working on a unit that was short staffed for the night
>ham beast decided to take his own life and kill himself via a cocktail of meds that would have put a fucking rhino down.
>God has a twisted sense of humor. This 400 pound sack of shit still lives albeit with so many tubes going into him he is more hospital equipment then a person.
>respiratory bros come up to see how the breathing tube is working out and they come out pale. Like sheet white.
> the smell from the guys breathe was fucking horrible.
>Me and his nurse who is like 5ft3 go in to check out what's going on
>it's a rotting smell like that kind of sweet musky meat smell, like road kill.
> I mask up, gloves a gown and she does the same.
>this tiny, ballsy nurse who is acting like it doesn't smell at all finds the source
>there is a fungal growth on his molar. The combo of o2, warmth, and darkness made it grow. I leave almost vomiting.
>specialist came in first thing in the morning and yanked it although the dude was most likely going to die. He said if it weren't for the drying effect the o2 had it would have been so much worst and there is no way he could have picked it up in transit to the hospital or in it itself.
>fat guy has a fungal growth in his fucking tooth.
>every time me and that nurse see each other she chuckles.
Fat people have no hygiene
Saturday 28 December 2013
Work with a really big aid. She's university loathed for her ability to be lazy. She was fired for being lazy before but her union fought for her and her 350 pounds of fury
>working in a unit where the adjacent elevator is the one connected to the helipad for life flights and it happens that we have one incoming within the next 20 min so the elevator is reserved for them.
>Hambeast aid goes on her lunch and that means she has to use the stairs.
>I call her multiple times but its still not picking up and she's late
>she's 20 min late now and I hear the elevator ding
>who but fucking fatass aid comes strolling around the corner
>"hamstar I've been calling you for like 20 min, I need help with this entire side of the unit"
>"yeah sorry anon my car wouldn't start in the Wendy's parking lot, had to get a jump"
Later on I check the card logs that let us in and out of the building and fatass aide didn't leave the building, she was so lazy she would rather be late 20 min then use the stairs. Then she got fired about 2 weeks later for fucking one of the security guards lol
>working in a unit where the adjacent elevator is the one connected to the helipad for life flights and it happens that we have one incoming within the next 20 min so the elevator is reserved for them.
>Hambeast aid goes on her lunch and that means she has to use the stairs.
>I call her multiple times but its still not picking up and she's late
>she's 20 min late now and I hear the elevator ding
>who but fucking fatass aid comes strolling around the corner
>"hamstar I've been calling you for like 20 min, I need help with this entire side of the unit"
>"yeah sorry anon my car wouldn't start in the Wendy's parking lot, had to get a jump"
Later on I check the card logs that let us in and out of the building and fatass aide didn't leave the building, she was so lazy she would rather be late 20 min then use the stairs. Then she got fired about 2 weeks later for fucking one of the security guards lol
Friday 27 December 2013
>on my way to the gym, had to put some gas in the truck
>filling up I see this shitty old Lincoln slowly pull up to the pump in front of me.
>little girl hops out with a credit card and I can only see a mammoth shadow in the drivers seat. Then I hear it speak
>TELL DEM I ONLY WANT 12 ON PUMP TWO
>little girl runs in and as I'm finishing up putting the pump back I see her come out again while yelling "mama you have to come in to use it he says"
>All hell breaks loose for this fat ass "FUCK THIS PLACE ILL NEVER USE BP AGAIN GET IN THE CAW NOW!
Bitch was so lazy she sends her little girl into a shop alone at dusk and then doesn't get gas because she has to move. Fuck
>filling up I see this shitty old Lincoln slowly pull up to the pump in front of me.
>little girl hops out with a credit card and I can only see a mammoth shadow in the drivers seat. Then I hear it speak
>TELL DEM I ONLY WANT 12 ON PUMP TWO
>little girl runs in and as I'm finishing up putting the pump back I see her come out again while yelling "mama you have to come in to use it he says"
>All hell breaks loose for this fat ass "FUCK THIS PLACE ILL NEVER USE BP AGAIN GET IN THE CAW NOW!
Bitch was so lazy she sends her little girl into a shop alone at dusk and then doesn't get gas because she has to move. Fuck
Thursday 26 December 2013
This place is poison to me but its good money as well as good FPS but these lardasses are slowly killing me lol
>doing report on a computer with 2 of my co-workers doing the same. Coworker 2 gets up to get a coffee
>call button goes off for some junkie trailer trash who's in for the flu cause the only time she uses a needle it's for heroin
>360lbs women informs me she needs graham crackers because at 5:00am, why the fuck not.
>coworker #1 goes and gets her 2 packs and gives her the "sleep= recover" speech but this bitch hears what she wants.
>coworker 1 returns with her coffee and asks where 2 is and I inform her.
>she kind of scoff's and justifiably shakes her head.
>co workers 1&2 are back by the desk and we hear the trusty bed alarm go off.
> I go to investigate and find she opened up her giant leather purse and is eating pudding cups produced from said purse with graham crackers as the spoon.
>"fatty what are you doing?"
>"it makes my throat feel better."
Fuck this planet
>doing report on a computer with 2 of my co-workers doing the same. Coworker 2 gets up to get a coffee
>call button goes off for some junkie trailer trash who's in for the flu cause the only time she uses a needle it's for heroin
>360lbs women informs me she needs graham crackers because at 5:00am, why the fuck not.
>coworker #1 goes and gets her 2 packs and gives her the "sleep= recover" speech but this bitch hears what she wants.
>coworker 1 returns with her coffee and asks where 2 is and I inform her.
>she kind of scoff's and justifiably shakes her head.
>co workers 1&2 are back by the desk and we hear the trusty bed alarm go off.
> I go to investigate and find she opened up her giant leather purse and is eating pudding cups produced from said purse with graham crackers as the spoon.
>"fatty what are you doing?"
>"it makes my throat feel better."
Fuck this planet
Wednesday 25 December 2013
> go into work a little early and the person I'm replacing on my unit looks pissed
> find out that the parents of a patient called the hospital and reported her for misconduct.
> the patient is a huge 34 year old man who still lives with his parents and is in the hospital for chest pain. After the ER cleared him to go up to my unit his food/fluid restrictions were lifted just until the docs could get in there and see wtf is going on.
> nurse told the patient this and he phoned his parents to bring him something that wasn't hospital food.
> when the nurse discovered 4 bags of McDonald's she said that wasn't allowed.
>hamplanets parents called and reported her
>doctors were pissed they had to specify you can't eat 15 pounds of mcdonalds
>fuck this place
> find out that the parents of a patient called the hospital and reported her for misconduct.
> the patient is a huge 34 year old man who still lives with his parents and is in the hospital for chest pain. After the ER cleared him to go up to my unit his food/fluid restrictions were lifted just until the docs could get in there and see wtf is going on.
> nurse told the patient this and he phoned his parents to bring him something that wasn't hospital food.
> when the nurse discovered 4 bags of McDonald's she said that wasn't allowed.
>hamplanets parents called and reported her
>doctors were pissed they had to specify you can't eat 15 pounds of mcdonalds
>fuck this place
Tuesday 24 December 2013
>Boss at work is a 350 lbs man.
>My stepfather knows him well, he told me he drinks one liter of scotch a day.
>He also told me that on holiday, he goes in his reinforced trailer in his garden and just eat charcuterie (smoked pork meat with tons of fat, things like that) all day.
>I don't believe him.
>Chistmas at work, small party.
>I watch as my boss gulps down booze as if he was a viking hippopotamus.
>mfw he's so fat he is alcoholproof.
>My stepfather knows him well, he told me he drinks one liter of scotch a day.
>He also told me that on holiday, he goes in his reinforced trailer in his garden and just eat charcuterie (smoked pork meat with tons of fat, things like that) all day.
>I don't believe him.
>Chistmas at work, small party.
>I watch as my boss gulps down booze as if he was a viking hippopotamus.
>mfw he's so fat he is alcoholproof.
Monday 23 December 2013
>working in the hospital
>hear patients bed alarm go off, we keep those on crazies or confused patients bed for such an event
>paitent is a Hambeast, easily 400lbs
>"why are you getting out of bed fatty?"
>"anon I HATE WATER, I HATE IT!"
>"We'll you can't get up, you can support yourself and you can only have clear liquids"
>"Coke-cola is clear, go get me one"
>"fatty no that dosent count as clear, only water"
>by this time my co workers can hear her with a mix of amusement and disgust as she begins to do that bullshit fake cry
>"Anon water gives me heartburn!"
Hospitals have given me so many FPS and I'm not a better person for it...
>hear patients bed alarm go off, we keep those on crazies or confused patients bed for such an event
>paitent is a Hambeast, easily 400lbs
>"why are you getting out of bed fatty?"
>"anon I HATE WATER, I HATE IT!"
>"We'll you can't get up, you can support yourself and you can only have clear liquids"
>"Coke-cola is clear, go get me one"
>"fatty no that dosent count as clear, only water"
>by this time my co workers can hear her with a mix of amusement and disgust as she begins to do that bullshit fake cry
>"Anon water gives me heartburn!"
Hospitals have given me so many FPS and I'm not a better person for it...
Sunday 22 December 2013
happened a few months ago
>gym bro and i at McDonald's post-gym (dat winter dirty bulkan)
>make my order, waiting for food, go to drink station and fill up
>as i take a sip of my water i look out window and happen to see their drive-thru line
>ambulacetus in drive-thru on scooter
>spit all over gym bro, look of horror on my face from what i've seen
>"man, what the FUCK?!" he's angry and confused that i spit on him
>i point, tell him to look
>he sees... "man... what the fuck?"
>order is ready
>employee says, "oh that's mr fatasfatass. he rides his scooter up here every day"
america! fuck yeah!
>gym bro and i at McDonald's post-gym (dat winter dirty bulkan)
>make my order, waiting for food, go to drink station and fill up
>as i take a sip of my water i look out window and happen to see their drive-thru line
>ambulacetus in drive-thru on scooter
>spit all over gym bro, look of horror on my face from what i've seen
>"man, what the FUCK?!" he's angry and confused that i spit on him
>i point, tell him to look
>he sees... "man... what the fuck?"
>order is ready
>employee says, "oh that's mr fatasfatass. he rides his scooter up here every day"
america! fuck yeah!
Saturday 21 December 2013
>start work in a new office as a fresh faced intern with 4 other colleagues
>they're all loud stumpy fat women and I'm an aspie 5'9 fimsy by comparison grill
>few months roll past, learn office dynamics well and how retarded they are
>learn fast to bring in my own water into the office as the admin would snipe at me for having to make her order more water for the office
>they all have bottles of soda and starbucks cups littered on their desks, never drink an ounce of water
>started to leave gym stuff under my desk so I could just go to gym straight after work, apparently they were under the impression they were dirty clothes and got written up for it
>next day the admin brings in her daughter and her bf to do filing for her, because that obviously isn't inappropriate considering it's confidential auditable material, swallow the warning because this bitch is helping to train me
>office doesn't have a fridge because everyone just goes across the street to some maccas, resort to bringing a cooler bag with my premade lunches
>maybe after two months of requesting they let me order a bar fridge, is immediately stuffed with their fatty snacks and giant bottles of soda
>still nowhere to put my lunches, fortunately I had moved not far from the office so I just wound up walking home to eat
>dress code is unheard of, they'd all be wearing stained hoodies track pants and runners regardless of whether they ran a day in their lives or not, $600 on business attire wasted trying to impress these careless pigs
>if they knew sexy pants supervisor was going to visit they'd throw on some pencil skirt busting at the seams and those loose flowery granny shirts that office dwelling hamplanets seem to consider business casual
>mfw colleagues skirt slits all the way up her ass, decide not to tell her when she goes out to lunch to stuff her face
endless fat people stories and fit shaming at my old office.
>they're all loud stumpy fat women and I'm an aspie 5'9 fimsy by comparison grill
>few months roll past, learn office dynamics well and how retarded they are
>learn fast to bring in my own water into the office as the admin would snipe at me for having to make her order more water for the office
>they all have bottles of soda and starbucks cups littered on their desks, never drink an ounce of water
>started to leave gym stuff under my desk so I could just go to gym straight after work, apparently they were under the impression they were dirty clothes and got written up for it
>next day the admin brings in her daughter and her bf to do filing for her, because that obviously isn't inappropriate considering it's confidential auditable material, swallow the warning because this bitch is helping to train me
>office doesn't have a fridge because everyone just goes across the street to some maccas, resort to bringing a cooler bag with my premade lunches
>maybe after two months of requesting they let me order a bar fridge, is immediately stuffed with their fatty snacks and giant bottles of soda
>still nowhere to put my lunches, fortunately I had moved not far from the office so I just wound up walking home to eat
>dress code is unheard of, they'd all be wearing stained hoodies track pants and runners regardless of whether they ran a day in their lives or not, $600 on business attire wasted trying to impress these careless pigs
>if they knew sexy pants supervisor was going to visit they'd throw on some pencil skirt busting at the seams and those loose flowery granny shirts that office dwelling hamplanets seem to consider business casual
>mfw colleagues skirt slits all the way up her ass, decide not to tell her when she goes out to lunch to stuff her face
endless fat people stories and fit shaming at my old office.
Friday 20 December 2013
>fatties do some 20 min cardio
>doing rear flies in the dbell section they do 2 benches down and sit
>one of them has a written program and starts deciphering the drawings with fatty friend
>discuss a bit the picks up low weights and decideds to do ohp with wrong form, she even has a slight hunch back
>other land whale just watches the whole time
>im doing rear fly dropsets, mp3 on but still hear them make a comment about my odd exercise
>rack up bb for pendalays
>hear the fatty doing ohp say 'omg im such a mozzarella! all my muscles have gona away'
>cant help but giggle
Hey at least they were excercising. Giving them the benefit of the doubt here.
>doing rear flies in the dbell section they do 2 benches down and sit
>one of them has a written program and starts deciphering the drawings with fatty friend
>discuss a bit the picks up low weights and decideds to do ohp with wrong form, she even has a slight hunch back
>other land whale just watches the whole time
>im doing rear fly dropsets, mp3 on but still hear them make a comment about my odd exercise
>rack up bb for pendalays
>hear the fatty doing ohp say 'omg im such a mozzarella! all my muscles have gona away'
>cant help but giggle
Hey at least they were excercising. Giving them the benefit of the doubt here.
Thursday 19 December 2013
>Get job at McD's
>First day, Learning to use cash register
>First customer, all on my own, qt 3.14 girl that's training me is behind me waiting to jump in if I fuck up
>Orders $30 worth of food
>I forget to ring up 2 of his #3's
>Comes back 10 mins later literally fucking squeal/whining that he didn't get 4 #3 burgers
>Ask him for his recept
>Hands it to me, turns out I forgot to ring it up
>"Would you like to order an additional 2 #3's?"
>"Yeah, and I'll take another......"
>While ordering his lard son come up and whines for food
>They end up ordering $40 worth of food(That time)
TL:DR? First day of work fatty's ordered and ate $70 USD of food over the course of an hour
>First day, Learning to use cash register
>First customer, all on my own, qt 3.14 girl that's training me is behind me waiting to jump in if I fuck up
>Orders $30 worth of food
>I forget to ring up 2 of his #3's
>Comes back 10 mins later literally fucking squeal/whining that he didn't get 4 #3 burgers
>Ask him for his recept
>Hands it to me, turns out I forgot to ring it up
>"Would you like to order an additional 2 #3's?"
>"Yeah, and I'll take another......"
>While ordering his lard son come up and whines for food
>They end up ordering $40 worth of food(That time)
TL:DR? First day of work fatty's ordered and ate $70 USD of food over the course of an hour
Wednesday 18 December 2013
>Loudly proclaim how coke zero and coke light are for retards
>If you're drinking something unhealthy, just fucking drink it
>If you want to drink something healthy, don't buy fucking coke
>even people around me who drink it laugh, they're healthy enough anyway, work out regularly, etc.
>Hambeast behind me clears her throat.
>I turn around
>She turns her coke bottle towards me, "I drink coke light"
>"Yeah"
>If you're drinking something unhealthy, just fucking drink it
>If you want to drink something healthy, don't buy fucking coke
>even people around me who drink it laugh, they're healthy enough anyway, work out regularly, etc.
>Hambeast behind me clears her throat.
>I turn around
>She turns her coke bottle towards me, "I drink coke light"
>"Yeah"
Tuesday 17 December 2013
>Loudly proclaim how coke zero and coke light are for retards
>If you're drinking something unhealthy, just fucking drink it
>If you want to drink something healthy, don't buy fucking coke
>even people around me who drink it laugh, they're healthy enough anyway, work out regularly, etc.
>Hambeast behind me clears her throat.
>I turn around
>She turns her coke bottle towards me, "I drink coke light"
>"Yeah"
>If you're drinking something unhealthy, just fucking drink it
>If you want to drink something healthy, don't buy fucking coke
>even people around me who drink it laugh, they're healthy enough anyway, work out regularly, etc.
>Hambeast behind me clears her throat.
>I turn around
>She turns her coke bottle towards me, "I drink coke light"
>"Yeah"
Monday 16 December 2013
Sunday 15 December 2013
Saturday 14 December 2013
Here goes
>Get a job at a binding factory (kill me)
>Me and another temp on a machine, in direct view of the vending machines
>Lardosaurus rex goes for her pre-pre lunch snack
>Waddles to the vending machine and fumbles in her pocket for nearly 2 minutes before she drags the change out
>Gets a chocolate bar
>And another
>Packet of crisps
>And another
>And another
>Gets cereal bar
>Me and temp bro dumbstruck, I say 'I bet she gets diet coke'
>mfw she gets diet coke
>Get a job at a binding factory (kill me)
>Me and another temp on a machine, in direct view of the vending machines
>Lardosaurus rex goes for her pre-pre lunch snack
>Waddles to the vending machine and fumbles in her pocket for nearly 2 minutes before she drags the change out
>Gets a chocolate bar
>And another
>Packet of crisps
>And another
>And another
>Gets cereal bar
>Me and temp bro dumbstruck, I say 'I bet she gets diet coke'
>mfw she gets diet coke
Friday 13 December 2013
Thursday 12 December 2013
I don't want to go over the entire story since it's not funny and I just need to vent but basically
>fat ass had her sister drop her off at work
>she lives about 3 minutes from me
>tried to force me to drive her home
>said no
>entire office pressured me into it, I agreed just to get them to shut up
>driving home I'm listening to sports talk radio because I'm sort of obsessed with sports
>she starts shit talking me, my car, sports and says I don't know how to have fun
>as if this cunt knows the joys of pushing your body to the limits
>she fucking changes the station and I immediately change it back
>she changes it again and I say "If you touch my Goddamn radio again I'm gonna pop you in the mouth"
>she shuts up and doesn't touch it
>next day I am under "probation" and if I have any other infractions I will be fired
I would say it's 99% my fault but she just wouldn't shut up. Why are fat people so self absorbed and entitled?
>fat ass had her sister drop her off at work
>she lives about 3 minutes from me
>tried to force me to drive her home
>said no
>entire office pressured me into it, I agreed just to get them to shut up
>driving home I'm listening to sports talk radio because I'm sort of obsessed with sports
>she starts shit talking me, my car, sports and says I don't know how to have fun
>as if this cunt knows the joys of pushing your body to the limits
>she fucking changes the station and I immediately change it back
>she changes it again and I say "If you touch my Goddamn radio again I'm gonna pop you in the mouth"
>she shuts up and doesn't touch it
>next day I am under "probation" and if I have any other infractions I will be fired
I would say it's 99% my fault but she just wouldn't shut up. Why are fat people so self absorbed and entitled?
Wednesday 11 December 2013
>loosing weight steadily for past 8 months
>already lost roughly 80 pound
>roomate's girlfriend is fat as fuck and lives with us.
>ALWAYS pushing junk food on me / trying to get me to eat shit with her and her increadingly fat boyfriend.
>every few weeks says "THATS IT, I'M GOING TO GET THIN LIKE ANON" makes a big deal of it.
>starts eating heaping bowls of peanuts instead of M&Ms
>starts eating 3-4 CHICKEN sandwiches at wendy's instead of baconaters
>no exercise, only liquid she drinks is dr pepper and thawing icecream.
>Hear her swearing in the bathroom one day
>"whats wrong"
>"FUCK OFF SKINNY ASSHOLE, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE AIDS YOU KNOW THAT!?"
>i'm like the fuck?
>go in to take a piss, see the scale in the middle of the bathroom floor
>my face when I have no face
On an unrelated note, I caught her drinking my whey because she was out of milkshake mix.
>already lost roughly 80 pound
>roomate's girlfriend is fat as fuck and lives with us.
>ALWAYS pushing junk food on me / trying to get me to eat shit with her and her increadingly fat boyfriend.
>every few weeks says "THATS IT, I'M GOING TO GET THIN LIKE ANON" makes a big deal of it.
>starts eating heaping bowls of peanuts instead of M&Ms
>starts eating 3-4 CHICKEN sandwiches at wendy's instead of baconaters
>no exercise, only liquid she drinks is dr pepper and thawing icecream.
>Hear her swearing in the bathroom one day
>"whats wrong"
>"FUCK OFF SKINNY ASSHOLE, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE AIDS YOU KNOW THAT!?"
>i'm like the fuck?
>go in to take a piss, see the scale in the middle of the bathroom floor
>my face when I have no face
On an unrelated note, I caught her drinking my whey because she was out of milkshake mix.
Friday 6 December 2013
>Be EMT
>Get called out at 4 in the morning
>Supervisor warned us that the address we were being called to called 911, 3 other times today
>Pt was a 400 pound guy with a 50 pound hernia that he kept getting stuck in the bed railing and the bed
>Get there
>sumofallfears.jpg
>Smell is terrible but tolerable
>Hernia is stuck
>It's actually oozing like a pimple that's on the brink of exploding by itself
>Puss is leaking into the bed pan below
>Partner threads sheet between his arms
>I thread sheet through his back
>"Ok we are going to lift on three"
>"three" Lift
>The smell of urine, shit, blood, and puss in the space that his fact was protecting from comes WOOSHING out from underneath as I lift
>Smell travels upward
>I get a mouthful of this
>Will never forget the smell
>Top 5 worst smells, Top 5 worst scenes
>Get called out at 4 in the morning
>Supervisor warned us that the address we were being called to called 911, 3 other times today
>Pt was a 400 pound guy with a 50 pound hernia that he kept getting stuck in the bed railing and the bed
>Get there
>sumofallfears.jpg
>Smell is terrible but tolerable
>Hernia is stuck
>It's actually oozing like a pimple that's on the brink of exploding by itself
>Puss is leaking into the bed pan below
>Partner threads sheet between his arms
>I thread sheet through his back
>"Ok we are going to lift on three"
>"three" Lift
>The smell of urine, shit, blood, and puss in the space that his fact was protecting from comes WOOSHING out from underneath as I lift
>Smell travels upward
>I get a mouthful of this
>Will never forget the smell
>Top 5 worst smells, Top 5 worst scenes
Thursday 5 December 2013
>Be 18 and attending a party of a friend of a friend
>Be beefy guy, not overweight but just no muscle definition - 6'2" 95kg
>Do lots of lifting, boxing, and hike 5km every day
>Have 7/10 girlfriend on vacation, back in few days so not looking to get lucky
>Mingling with people, meet some crazy dudes and having a blast
>Fight breaks out and one of my athletic friends and I jump in and separate the two drunkards
>Pretty good night
>Suddenly a wild hambeast appears!
>Girl goes to my highschool, and only reason I know is that I've seen her waddling around from time to time (easy 150kg)
>The birthday girl comes over to me and warns me that this behemoth has a thing for me
>She says she didn't want her to come and was only invited through another friend
>She apologizes to me and says to just ignore her if possible
>I totally understand and do my best to just stay out of behemoths orbit
>I meet up with some really old friends from my elementary school days
>Party in full swing going well
>Suddenly feel greasy hand grab my arm
>Reaction kicks in and I flick it away, turn around to see diabeetus standing there smiling at me
>I'm staring death in the face and the fight or flight system is kicking in
>Before she can utter a single word, saved by calls from the side gate
>It's athletic guy who helped me break up the fight from earlier
>He says he needs my help urgently
>I flat out sprint to the gate and he's laughing his head off
>We bolt inside through the side door and head upstairs
>We ended up spending the majority of the night chilling upstairs and on the balcony that overlooks the front
>All this just to avoid bushpig, he hated the stupid bitch from shit she did earlier that year
>He was laughing at shit the fat slag did all night
>I saw the giant greaseball sobbing later that night and learned that she passed out and broke stuff when she fell
>Athletic guy wasn't a wingman that night, he was an extraction team and I owe him many drinks
>Be beefy guy, not overweight but just no muscle definition - 6'2" 95kg
>Do lots of lifting, boxing, and hike 5km every day
>Have 7/10 girlfriend on vacation, back in few days so not looking to get lucky
>Mingling with people, meet some crazy dudes and having a blast
>Fight breaks out and one of my athletic friends and I jump in and separate the two drunkards
>Pretty good night
>Suddenly a wild hambeast appears!
>Girl goes to my highschool, and only reason I know is that I've seen her waddling around from time to time (easy 150kg)
>The birthday girl comes over to me and warns me that this behemoth has a thing for me
>She says she didn't want her to come and was only invited through another friend
>She apologizes to me and says to just ignore her if possible
>I totally understand and do my best to just stay out of behemoths orbit
>I meet up with some really old friends from my elementary school days
>Party in full swing going well
>Suddenly feel greasy hand grab my arm
>Reaction kicks in and I flick it away, turn around to see diabeetus standing there smiling at me
>I'm staring death in the face and the fight or flight system is kicking in
>Before she can utter a single word, saved by calls from the side gate
>It's athletic guy who helped me break up the fight from earlier
>He says he needs my help urgently
>I flat out sprint to the gate and he's laughing his head off
>We bolt inside through the side door and head upstairs
>We ended up spending the majority of the night chilling upstairs and on the balcony that overlooks the front
>All this just to avoid bushpig, he hated the stupid bitch from shit she did earlier that year
>He was laughing at shit the fat slag did all night
>I saw the giant greaseball sobbing later that night and learned that she passed out and broke stuff when she fell
>Athletic guy wasn't a wingman that night, he was an extraction team and I owe him many drinks
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