BRO SCIENCE

>Work as closer driver, at pizza place
>New hamplanet older guy starts, is closing with me and REALLY likes to talk
>I came to work in street clothes, and everyone was complimenting me on how swole I was looking
>We're closing and he starts talking to me about lifting
>oh God, I'm so excited. I know where this is going
>asks me "How much do you bench, blah blah blah"
>try to reply but instantly interrupted
>"I went to the Doctor and he said that you keep all your muscle, I used to be really fit, so yeah I look bad now, but If i just cut I'd have my old body back."
>starts throwing down even more weight-loss broscience at me

I just wanted to lol the whole night, but i just kept my head down

Ursula from The Little Mermaid with vitilago

>just started new job at dietary supplement company working as a lab technician
>lead is a woman in her 40s who is at least 350 lbs, has blue/purple hair and is incredibly loud and pale. She looks like Ursula from The Little Mermaid with vitilago
>the irony of this woman working at a health foods company is almost insulting
>she managed to tilt her way out of her chair and used her momentum to make it to the bathroom, she left her coat at her desk and I glanced at the size. 6XL
>every day she has three half-empty 1L bottles of Dr. Pepper on her desk and one 20 oz can of Monster Energy ASSAULT
>leads stretches every morning, can't do half of them. she can't reach her arms over her head to stretch her triceps or grab her foot to stretch her quad
>is out of breath from climbing one flight of stairs to get to her office, and very rarely leaves her desk to do any actual testing or training or installing lab equipment, just orders products and writes emails all day
>is horribly incompetent and doesn't even order the right products, I have 500 of the wrong-sized scoops and only four correct ones, and those came with the instrument. Same with sampling pans, beakers, flasks, and jars. We don't even have all of our equipment necessary to perform tests since they get progressively delayed, what was supposed to be here last Friday gets pushed to next, that sort of shit.

One Friday the whole department went out to have all-you-can-eat sushi. She and her husband were there an hour before everybody else, and had already scarfed down at least six rolls between the two of them already, and when the rest of us showed up they had an additional eight rolls brought to them. She's a nice lady, maybe a little too touchy and affectionate (she says she's from Georgia and that's how people are down there, here in Nevada it's a little invasive), but I really think she's going to be fired soon. Thank god.

That smell

I didn't believe you guys about the smell because I rarely get close to morbidly obese people, but holy shit

>in lab with hamplanet easily pushing 300
>same fat bitch that broke a chair once during orientation, second time in the middle of class
>have to stand behind her to get solution to be analyzed
>dat fucking smell
>some sick combination of something putrid, BO, and feces
>if I were to analyze the smell the only conclusion would be its death
>end up finishing about half an hour later than normal due to me avoiding going near her

not even one of those fatties that stays silent, bitch would not shut the fuck up

Meanwhile in an alternate universe

>walk on street
>fat woman walking towards me
>taking up the space of the entire fucking sidewalk
>ham, ham everywhere
>out of nowhere she begins to grow larger
>she looks surprised herself
>suddenly she's as wide as the entire street
>people are screaming and running for their lives
>begins to consume cars and parts of buildings
>the gravitational pull of her body is now so large that people are being pulled towards her giant body
>succesfull colonies of human settlements eventually emerge after centuries of fighting off the giant lice that reside in her bellybutton

I didn't see that in the p90x booklet

today
>obese coworker (at least 300 lbs)
>finally decides to lose some weight, good for him
>bragging about starting p90x
>another guy at work says he's going on a breakfast run to mcd's
>fatass requests the big breakfast with hotcakes, extra syrup, and a large sweet tea
>"aren't you trying to lose weight? You probably shouldn't be eating that?"
"WHAT THE FUCK BRO IT'S JUST SAUSAGE AND EGGS AND STUFF, THAT'S NOT BAD FOR YOU"
>look up nutrition stats later out of curiosity
>around 1500 kcal, 90% dv of fat, 85 g sugar
>all of my what

Ah, youth

>Be around 12-13
>brother has fatass friend over, around 14-15 years old, weighs a good 110-120 kilogram
>Was always kinda annoying
>Decide to annoy her
>grab a cat toy, just a small plastic rod with a piece of string/rope attached. Used to be a small fish on there but thats gone
>Tie a single twix bar to the rope and sneak behind the big chair she's sitting in
> Suddenly there is unresistable choclate delight in front of her face
>she looks puzzeld as of where this snack came from and with a might and speed unimaginable for the normal person she stood up and ran for the treat
>I ran for my life fearing I would be crushed under her enormous weight
>I ran around the house and as our house has two staircases, meaning you can run around in circles
>I ran around for a good 10-15 minutes while she was chasing me, apparently fatties do have stamina if it involves food
>In the end she caught me while I wasn't paying attention and she sat down on me, lucky to be alive
>the sheer force caused my entire lower abdomen to compact, got rock ahrd abs ever since

Fatty Photo Friday: I hope you are blind edition

With a normal sized person censoring might be necessary - today is not that day.

Breakfast of champions

>Have roommate
> weighs 275, lifts and claims all muscle
>yesterday "I will get breakfest"
>"cool" - me
> comes back with sugar cereal, and 6 danishs
>fatasfatass has 3 danish and says rest for you
>I have one(I weigh 150 and clean/dirty bulking)
>1 hr later
>slight rummble in tummy
>mass builder and danish would be good
>cant find them??
>did I lose them?
>o well have mass builder and shitton of Peanut butter
>Danish package appeared this morning - empty

What is your major malfunction Private?

I remember over highschool summer I had a roommate for JROTC. Kid was insanely fat, and ridiculously psychotic.
>"Genocides and holocausts are a form of population control"
>"If i could, I would shoot everyone on campus"

shit like that
BEST PART was that he'd keep saying throughout the 5 weeks he wants to lose weight.

>says he wants to lose weight
>One day Cafeteria has cinnabuns
>he decides sine "he wants to lose weight, he'll only eat a salad
>Comes back with the salad
>This thing is covered, fucking caked in ranch dressing
>more ranch dressing then there is fucking salad

"Guys Im saving up for desert"

>Desert time
>he goes and grabs THIRTEEN MOTHERFUCKING CINNABUNS
>all the other cadets are facepalming
>Gets better
>Pours ketchup all over the sugary filled cinnamon buns
>Practically inhales each one of them down.
>3 minutes later all thirteen ketchup covered buns are gone.

As if it weren't bad enough, the kid bought Dry Ramen Noodle packs and ate them fucking raw. He'd go through several of those a day. Each containing an unhealthy amount of salt.

Every day as like this all while constantly saying "I'm trying to lose weight". Fucking future serial killer fat as fatass. Hope he drops from heart failure one day.

Family Ties

Hey brah, just wannah share my experience.
>brother starts dating fatty
>Maccas everyday
>after a year i mention he is overweight
>he brushes me off for the next 6 months
>brother and his gf break up
>we start talking again
>he loses 50kgs
>same shit is happening right now with new gf
>too afraid to bring it up as I know what will happen.
I would rather have a fat selfish brother than no brother I guess..

Round Table Buffet

>driving home today after hittin dat dere Round Table buffet (Unlimited hard boiled eggs), pull up to a stop light
>glance in my rear view mirror into the car behind me
>see a whale somehow squeezed into a car slowly coming up behind me swerving because its driving with its knees because both its fins are mashing a hamburger into its face
>worry.jpg
>It comes to a hard stop (poor brakes)
>Light turns green, watch in the rear view as it swerves because it can't wait to get home to eat

Its not that big of a story, and I'll eat while I drive, but this was totally unsafe for everyone else on the road.

Five Guys, One Cup

>go to five guys out of laziness
>order a little bacon burger cheeseburger and water
>while wating for my order a landwhale walks up and gets 2 bags of food
>asks which are cajun fries and which are normal
>assume she's ordering for multiple people
>as I leave I notice she has two double burgers, two orders of fries, and a large sweet tea
>shoveling food into her mouth at record speed
>look around
>everyone else in the restaurant is fat

maybe I shouldn't eat 5 guys... so good though.

All women hate each other.

I've been far more open about people's weights before, and my own (I dropped 200-120)

anyway, this one sticks out. I had a friend who was 5'1 and 180lbs with a HUGE chest. 40lbs mush have been on her chest alone.

>go out to dinner one day, I have sushi, she has pork fat
>she has recently dropped out of uni because the work was hard
>"So, anon, what about that A cup huh?"
>"Got a sports bra yet?"
>"I heard you're getting LASIK next year, thought about the boob job instead?"

And I respond...

>"I suggest not talking about someone's lack of breast when I could do the exact same about your IQ."

I now avoid them pretty rabidly.

Dear Mom

>mom is obese
>asks me all the time for fitness advice
>one of those situations where she knows exactly what to do, but doesn't do it
>be home from uni on break
>still in glorious winter bulk...shes jelly I eat so much yet don't get huge
>was about 1000 calories short of my goal today, went to chipotle
>came back to a tray of fresh baked brownies
>"anon I made brownies if you want some"
>eat burrito
>go downstairs to throw shit away...half tray is missing
>mom watching tv
>pokerface
>tfw could have eaten brownies instead of chipotle

Fatty Photo Friday: Another Fat Person Story in Pictures

B-B-Bonus Round: Email us a picture of your face to storiesaboutfatpeople@gmail.com when you realised the hamplanet is holding a bottle of ranch to cover the pizza in.

Well that was inspiring

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Route 66

>be on the bus
>two chubby/borderline fat girls get on the bus
>all that's keeping them looking round and not like garbage bags full of ketchup is youth
>both have big coffee drinks and muffins
>talking and eating together
>one finds the nutritional info printed on the side of the package for the muffin
>"omg! this has 500 calories!"
>the other one leans in and studies it for a second
>"no, no, you're not looking at the right one. it only has 200 calories from fat, and those are the only ones that get absorbed by your body."
>first fatty says "oooh" as if she's learned something
>they both continue eating
>mfw fat girl science

Not fat, just bulking

>go to first day of Principles of Psychology freshman year in (christian) college
>health-obsessed, religious zealot professor
(more like borderline anorexic, the dude looked emaciated)
>Landwhale wobbles in 5 minutes late, during the professor’s intro and squeezes herself into a desk huffing and puffing
>professor begins fiery rant about how anyone overweight is “doomed to hell because their stomach has become their god.”
>her face when trying to pretend he wasn’t specifically talking to her
>continues lecture on why humans are not designed to eat dinner, how consumption of meat is not in God’s plan, and why kissing before marriage is bad.

Family Ties

>Go on a diet
>Cut from 235 pounds to 198. I gained so much weight due to my bulking up during powerlifting.
>Family is impressed, will also go on a diet.
>Call them up this week.
>They don't want to go on a diet anymore.

I just... sometimes, I don't know. I'm not disappointed, I just know that they judge themselves on their looks. I feel bad for them. Mind you, they aren't hugely overweight, or even moderately - they just wanted to lose several kilos.

Same hospital

>Be today
>Fatasfatass comes in
>Bilateral Femoral fracture (both femurs broken)
>He fell out of a wheel chair and broke both legs
>His skin was like a reptiles, all flaky and hard

How you break your femurs from a 2 foot fall is beyond me, but this guy somehow managed to do so.

Keep your laws off my gains

>Wife comes to see patient who has irregular heart rhythm, chest pains, previous small strokes
>Huge risk of death
>Morbidly obese jamaican, 370ish
>wife orders tests, meds
>nurse comes to get her 50 min later
>"Tests are done?"
>""No we have a problem"
>Patient had ordered 2 papa johns supremes delivered to the emergency room.
>Wife had them taken away
>Jamaican threatens alwsuit.

Brrm brmm

>Deliver people to dialysis for job.
>500 lb fat guy has eaten and drinken himself into kidney failure.
>Have to transport him in 600 lb custom scooter, makes my converted ambulance bottom out over speedbumps.
>He spends the whole 45 min ride to dialysis center eating every day
>"You arent supposed to do that, they are gonna be pissed"
>"mmphfuck yoummmph"
>Deliver him, dialysis techs yell at me because I let him eat.
>He has to wait 3 hours to digest, and then 12 hours of dialysis because he has like 40 gallons of blood.


Same guy.

>GFs ex had transported him previously.
>Hadnt secured him properly...front and back not at all sides.
>Hits bump
>inertia
>Guy gets trapped under scooter
>Needs 8 firefighters and paramedics to get him to hospital.


This was years ago, im sure he died. I had to transport so many disgusting fatties in end stage fathood (who had eaten themselves to death and were in a nursing home waiting for the reaper)

Happy Fatty Photo Friday !

Doctor! Doctor !

>Be at work
>Be Yesterday
>Work in Operating Room in a hospital
>Next case is a Carotid endarterectomy (they open up the carotid artery to scoop out the plaque)
>Worlds largest enchilada laying in bed
>about 5'5" (165cm) and 250lbs (110-120 kg)
>Diabetic fatass missing multiple fingers and toes
>Hello fatass, can you state your name, and date of birth
>No response
>Mexican heifer walks around the corner
>Heifer translates for enchilada
>Heifer, do you have any knows allergies
>El translation "Fruits and vegetables"
>Ummm.... Can you be more specific, like which kinds
>"All kinds, all fruits and vegetables
>trying to contain laughter
>"and what are the symptoms of your reaction" (we have to take all allergies as fact, even if they're blatantly obvious lies)
>Heifer translates for Enchilada, "They make her poop"
>MFW
>Transport her to surgery
>They pull out a fuck ton of plaque and the surgeon mocks her the entire time (She's unconscious)

Mickey Dees strikes again

Mcfag here, I'll cut these down a little

>Cafe again, staring out window because bored
>small blue VW drives into handicapped park
>scraping bitumen as it parks
>I brace myself for horror
>It appears the car is full of a large floral orb
>Oh its just a 250kg woman/man, i dont know they all wear mumu's now
>Tries to get out of car about 5 times as i look on in horror
>see's me and starts waving for assistance
>I go out against my better judgement and assist her
>needed to go back inside to get someone else to help unwedge this beast from its entrapment
>free the orb and it immediately makes a b line to the front door.
>expected us to shut her car door.
>I walk inside and purposefully serve her
>$40 worth of food for herself (and a diet coke)
>waddles back to car, forces girth into car again.
>seen shoving big mac into face as driving away, scraping off drive through arrows as she goes.

I hope she lives alone so she has to actually make the effort to get out instead of getting people with better things (like not give a fuck) to do to help

I'm medically obese because of thyroid problem/fat gene

>thin privilege is not having to make up facts about human biology to justify your weight
>My body disobeys the laws of thermodynamics by storing more calories than I ate and used.

Oh, god. Our future is going to be sassy fatulous blobs poisoning our society from there echo-box laden with food wrappers reminding each other how they are the pinnacle of human sensuality. Anyone who disagrees while be lynched and have their inedible parts rendered down into anti-fungal lotions to help the gelatinous elite keep their ever-stretching skin from ripping.

No.

>At work
>Managers and leaders dissapear
>Penelope from SNL comes up and dishes out the news
>OMG DID YOU HEAR anon FELL AND HAD TO GET STITCHES
>MFW this guy is easily 500lbs.
>He fell and his weight was so much that as he fell his skin ripped because it could not strech anymore.
>MFW I was the only one there who really didnt feel bad for him
>MFW they wanted me to extend to take over for him

Grease trap

>Be in a Tuesday night Film in History class from 5:30 to 8:00
>Have some chicken breasts beforehand to keep myself full, bring some green tea in a mug to sip on while watching The Battle of Algiers
>2 minutes before class starts, huffing puffing greatcoat-wearing beast rolls down the center isle of the lecture hall towards the front of the room.
>His hair is slicked back and greasy, the sort of fatty who tries to use style to cover up his disgusting body. He carries one of the hard-bottomed tote bags we were given at orientation, evidently carrying something weighty
>He sits in a seat, unfolds the armrest desk for his own seat, the seat to his left and the next seat over to the right.
>Begins unpacking the buffet bag
>Two hotdogs, two bags of chips, a large drink and some sort of flurry with a brownie.
>Having already brought the fold down desk over his gut and placed food upon the desk, he has no way to escape when he realizes that he hasn't yet plugged in his macbook
>he pleads with a nearby girl to plug in his macbook
>She pretends to not hear him
>He rearranges his feast in defeat to haul himself to the wall outlet
>He goes on to ruin a decent movie and discussion by eating noisily while a lecture hall full of normal students stares on

Meanwhile in Australia

So i worked as a McManager in Australia for a couple years. And i've seen some horrific shit, many many FPS stories among other brain raping, vomit inducing shit that happened at Maccas.

>Be working in the cafe at around 11pm
>Cleaning up all the dining room due to a pod of loud fucking kiwi's (New Zealanders - If you've never seen a gathering of kiwi's it is pretty much akin to a zoo full of howler monkeys throwing food at each other and screaming about their CUURVEH bodies and bloated baluga whale tits, But i digress)
>Shit's finally Mc'standard clean
>quite proud of my efforts
>A thin asian man comes to the cafe and i serve him, he is very nice even though he has very poor english
>Get's his bulking nuggets and coffee and sits down and quietly eats his moderately foul food
>Suddenly i notice the latte i am making for myself starts rippling.
>The dick (no-homo) i had etched onto the froth morphs into a skull
> "Dats baaaad Juju Mon! Evil a commin!"
>3 morbidly obese tradesmen hurtle at light speed in slow motion through door in single file, due to their individual girth extending to either side of THE FUCKING DOUBLE DOORS
>Order their hourly injections of saturated fats and salts.
>All order large diet coke (this happens far too much)
>they sit down across the dining room from asian man
>If anyone has watched Spirited away this was pretty much the pig scene at the start
>but with more food impacting with the ceiling at high velocity
>I try to avoid looking at them as throwing up would ruin my cleaning job
>Asian man goes to throw out his finished meal
>One of the Rosie O'Donnell impersonators notices food on tray as man throws it out
"Oi ya skinny cunt! Why's ya throh that out ya dumb asian, too much for ya? I coulda had that!"
>Notice nine large objects jiggling at rapid speed out of my peripherals and a honking noise like someone strangling a fog horn
>They are all laughing at the lipid storage facility's greed and asian mans obvious discomfort
>Politely ask them to stop harassing the asianbro
>this seems to unlock the diabetic fury stored deep in their guts (Probably next to their second stomach or some shit)
>They start yelling at me and at the asian guy
>I would try to remember what they were saying but i was too mesmerized at the fact they could yell and not choke on the filth they shoveled into their gullets
>after about 2 minutes they are obviously exerted from the amount of loud grunts and fart noises required to defend their planetiod asses from doing the right thing
>Tell them to get the fuck out
>Start yelling with increased vigor, call me a curly haired cunt, skinny cunt, comment on how mcdonalds is ment to be respectful of their "kind"
>Repeat myself and they begin to leave, not before throwing their un-eaten food all over dining room and mashing sauce into chairs.
>More whale calls towards me and asianbro as they orbit towards door.
>They are walking side by side yelling back at me
>two of them collide with the sliding doors as one walks through, sounds like a gunshot there is that much mass hitting glass
>they quickly regain their upright gravitational positions and quickly waddle out without another word
>if they did say something i couldn't hear them, Laughing too hard
>make asianbro another coffee for free and get one of the other crew to help me clean the feeding area
>there is a shit stain on one of the chairs
>It was where rosie was sitting
>took 30 minutes to clean 3 peoples mess
>This was the day all fat people became my arch nemisis
>ohh also there was a face shaped grease stain on the sliding door.
>Fat all over his face as he hit door
>Nightmares about jabba the hut eating me that night

Online dating strikes again

>meet guy online
>seems nice, haven't dated in a while
>we decide to meet up after a weeks of texts back and forth.
>I expect to see a tall guy in decent shape
>Look around and see this tall guy with a decent gut
>WTF?
>confused because he said he wasen't a foodie (whatever that meant)
>obviously you are
>date ends
>boring horrible date
>go home
>call up fit ex and beg him to fuck me
>He does
>more ripped and hotter than before
>tells me to keep in touch
>we are talking again now
>He grew up, he is actual BF material again (was an alcoholic)
>I felt better

Seriously how the fuck are you going to post pictures of yourself from 7 years ago and then expect me to be super interested once we meet and you look super 30. You let yourself go not me. Homosex men deal with the same issues hetersex do. We are the world, We are the children

Meanwhile in University

>in chemistry class
>landwhale instructor handing back tests
>starts waddling around the room
>she says "what a workout"

New Section: Fatty Photo Friday !

Mpace Sountain

Work at theme park
>Mpace Sountain
>handing out photo tickets
>Screen shows a rocket that hasent shown up yet
>Holy shit the rocket is bring in back planet
>planet skin is so black it looks like an empty shirt in the black background.
>2 tiny white moons near the top of...oh its a person.
>it rolls in.
>AHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh is all you hear
>planet is so fat her rolls extend out of the rocket
>rocket comes withing an inch of the floor
>rocket is floor level to the rocket so the top edgeof it/side of the rocket is lvl to the floor.
>Her fat is caught in itbetween rocket and floor
> AHHH LORD HAVE MERCY
>Ride is stopped
>Paramedics come
>they remove her fat from the wall
>They try to take her oout but she is stuck in the rocket
>she begs them to take her out
>The rocket has to be destroyed in order to bust her out
>Ride is closed for the day while paramedics and firefighters attend to the beached planet
>Finally break the car apart
>peached planet takes a wrong step
>gets stuck int he track she fell through.
>lulz were had
>another 30 min debate on how fat she is and how they are going to get her out

mfw I sat in the corner the whole time giggling and Im so black i blended in with the corner and was invisible to the world.