Ursula from The Little Mermaid with vitilago

>just started new job at dietary supplement company working as a lab technician
>lead is a woman in her 40s who is at least 350 lbs, has blue/purple hair and is incredibly loud and pale. She looks like Ursula from The Little Mermaid with vitilago
>the irony of this woman working at a health foods company is almost insulting
>she managed to tilt her way out of her chair and used her momentum to make it to the bathroom, she left her coat at her desk and I glanced at the size. 6XL
>every day she has three half-empty 1L bottles of Dr. Pepper on her desk and one 20 oz can of Monster Energy ASSAULT
>leads stretches every morning, can't do half of them. she can't reach her arms over her head to stretch her triceps or grab her foot to stretch her quad
>is out of breath from climbing one flight of stairs to get to her office, and very rarely leaves her desk to do any actual testing or training or installing lab equipment, just orders products and writes emails all day
>is horribly incompetent and doesn't even order the right products, I have 500 of the wrong-sized scoops and only four correct ones, and those came with the instrument. Same with sampling pans, beakers, flasks, and jars. We don't even have all of our equipment necessary to perform tests since they get progressively delayed, what was supposed to be here last Friday gets pushed to next, that sort of shit.

One Friday the whole department went out to have all-you-can-eat sushi. She and her husband were there an hour before everybody else, and had already scarfed down at least six rolls between the two of them already, and when the rest of us showed up they had an additional eight rolls brought to them. She's a nice lady, maybe a little too touchy and affectionate (she says she's from Georgia and that's how people are down there, here in Nevada it's a little invasive), but I really think she's going to be fired soon. Thank god.