What is your major malfunction Private?

I remember over highschool summer I had a roommate for JROTC. Kid was insanely fat, and ridiculously psychotic.
>"Genocides and holocausts are a form of population control"
>"If i could, I would shoot everyone on campus"

shit like that
BEST PART was that he'd keep saying throughout the 5 weeks he wants to lose weight.

>says he wants to lose weight
>One day Cafeteria has cinnabuns
>he decides sine "he wants to lose weight, he'll only eat a salad
>Comes back with the salad
>This thing is covered, fucking caked in ranch dressing
>more ranch dressing then there is fucking salad

"Guys Im saving up for desert"

>Desert time
>he goes and grabs THIRTEEN MOTHERFUCKING CINNABUNS
>all the other cadets are facepalming
>Gets better
>Pours ketchup all over the sugary filled cinnamon buns
>Practically inhales each one of them down.
>3 minutes later all thirteen ketchup covered buns are gone.

As if it weren't bad enough, the kid bought Dry Ramen Noodle packs and ate them fucking raw. He'd go through several of those a day. Each containing an unhealthy amount of salt.

Every day as like this all while constantly saying "I'm trying to lose weight". Fucking future serial killer fat as fatass. Hope he drops from heart failure one day.