Stories of my fat uncle

>Fat uncle comes over to my house
little backstory
>He is my uncle but he's 6 years older than me
>My mom was grandma's first child and decades later this abomination of a human was born
>Uncle is fat as fuck and fat logic has fried his brain already
>'Hur Durr I am tall so I carry my weight well' (he doesn't)
>Fat fuck uncle is 190cm and around 140-150kg with my guess 45-50% bodyfat

anyhow fat fuck comes over
>was a hamplanet and has now reached star status
>'Hur Dur Yer lookin' good anon. I plan on going back to the gym too'
>Says this everytime he sees me, because he gets reminded of his fat fuck self when he sees swole me, never goes though
>'I work full time, butter butter, gravy, don't have time to work out, candy, chocolate


>'Anon I'm thirsty what do you have to drink?'
>'We only have water uncle, because we don't drink soda'
>'What no soda?'
>We never have soda (he knows this, yet asks everytime wtf??), because it's basically a liquid sugar bomb, I do keep some red bulls in the fridge (one of my guilty pleasures. Allow myself 1-2 red bulls per week)
>Had three in the fridge, before I left for the gym
>Get home after gym.
>Can't see Uncle Ham anywhere, have I gone blind?
>Nope, Mum tells me he left

>Good. Now for some red bull and some cottage cheese
>Open fridge. No red bull and a half eaten cottage cheese is left (had two in the fridge)
>'Mum where are my red bulls?'
>'Oh your uncle was thirsty he drank them'
>'All three??'
>'Yes'
>'What about the cottage cheese??'
>'He was hungry and ate that too, but he did save you half of one'
>'What why? Why does he have to be a fat fuck and keep eating my stuff? WTF?
>'ANON BE NICE. HE is your uncle and was a guest in our house! Besides he left you some cottage cheese, so isn't that nice?'
>He left me some of MY cottage cheese, what a saint

mfw he comes to my house, raids my fridge and leaves me some of my cottage cheese and is praised to the heavens. God I fucking hate that parasite