First, most memorable story.

>Go round to my Father's. He has plans to go to see a movie.
>Receive news that Lard on Legs in sat in the bedroom cus bending over injured her back.
>I'm like "Okay, sure."
>Time has come to go to the Cinema. One which is only accessible by car. Even though there is one right in the Centre of my town.
>About to get in the car, sit in the front seat. Being the older sibling of two, I should get these privileges. Arrogance, Elliot Style.
>I sit down, Father "Oh, can you sit in the back?".
>Confused at this, it could only mean one thing.
>My Father rushes back in side as me and my Brother hear the earth shaking like we were in Malaysia.
>We look at each other, we know how awkward this encounter will be.
>She comes out of the doors, one arm over my Father. Looking like Jabba the Hutt had mated with an unsuspecting fat white bitch.
>Exhaling extremely heavily, you could even see the smoke coming out of her mouth because of the temperature.
>Takes almost 10 minutes to get in the front seat.
>Grunting quite loudly at this point. I could imagine next door looking through the window.
>Bearing in mind how crazy next door's neighbours were. I could imagine they would shout something like "Get the harpon, Marianne!". As the beached whale clambered into the nicely kept Mercedes.
>Cinema inbound.
>Arrive at the Cinema.
>We were going to see a Bourne movie, or at least the re-make I believe?
>After the exhaling, sweating and grunting. Stinking the Mercedes out. We arrive.
>Of how long it took to get into the car. How long will it take to hoist the Lard on Legs out.
>This was ridiculous, it was like a fish caught in a fish net trying to get out.
>Littered with typical fat phrases like "I can't do it anon," "I just can't".
>My Dad uses his whole body weight, bearing in mind he's bear mode.
>"Anon? Can you give me a hand?".
>I wish I could of just disappeared at this point.
>The thought of trying to grab the flabs of fat on her shoulders to try and cut loose the shackles that was the back and obesity problem.
>I grab her, this was before I started lifting, not knowing the full extent of her weight. I can't even make her stand up.
>The behemoth that was my Father's girlfriend had literally got so big we could not bundle her out.
>My Brother, was just watching us and to this day I do not know how he kept a straight face.
>In a car park, of a Cinema. Me and my Father leaning into the car to try and gain some leverage to get her out.
>Then the awkward moment when my Dad has to ask a random guy to come over and help...
>His face is confused, but he does as he is told and enables her escape from the trap which was the car.
>Nevertheless, this isn't done in any normal fashion.
>He is grabbing anything he can hold onto. Maybe he did not realise he was clutching her breasts or ass, which is repulsive to even consider.
>He'd anything to get out of this situation just so he can see his movie.
>He helped, we finally got her out of the car.
>She literally sprawls onto the concrete with a large slapping sound like a pie had hit the ground.
>Tears wept from her pillow cheeks as she tried to get up. This was either to with the pain or the fact she had lost all respect from me and my brother.
>As she is clutching the concrete, a crowd starts to form.
>Me and my Father automatically try to help her up. Because, helping her would help your Father.
>Imagine the site, pyjama wearing over weight adult. You know how fat people dress.
>Flat out on the car park floor with a large group of people starting to gather.
>"Who needs to watch a movie, when we have a drama right here!". That's what I was thinking while everyone stood there and watched.
>Anyway, we eventually get her up. She is panting, She then goes try and sit back in the Car!
>Bitch we took 30 minutes getting you out and you're going to sit back in?
>Luckily my Father grabs her before she sits down. This is accompanied with almost a "Awwwwww". When she was rescued from the luxuries of the Mercedes.
>We see the movie, extremely average.
>Then comes getting back to the car.
>Me and my Brother walk down to the car. We literally have to wait there for 30 minutes, as her central nervous system tries to cope with the weight and back spasms.
>This was against my Dad's word of "Wait at the bottom of the stairs."
>We ignored him and went straight to the car and sat in it.
Fuck that bitch. Still resent her to this day, I have a few other funny stories if anyone is interested. Maybe I bored you :(