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| Curry Stain |
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| Walrus Face |
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Friday, 28 February 2014
Wednesday, 5 February 2014
The Proverbial Straw
>hosting at steakhouse
>a wild pod of hambulocetidae appears
>willing to wait for a booth
>dem cushions be good for pressure sores I guess
>try to order appetizers while they wait in lobby
>no dice
>table's ready, scared I'll get devoured if they get too close as I show them in
>ham jrs go in first, mama and papa ham seal off either bench
>tightest squeeze, cellulite is oozing onto the table everywhere
>1st course - ranch salads and appetizers for all
>dat bottomless beetus beverage
>2nd course - ham jrs each inhale rib-eye dinners with extra sides
>mama ham has two chicken breast/half-rack combo dinners
>papa ham has 24oz prime rib, extra side
>dat bottomless beetus beverage, dat bottomless bread basket
>booth normally seats 6, these 4 had too much food, must be eaten in waves
>damn
>night goes on
>why isn't table 31 clearing?
>desserts are gone, why isn't 31 clearing?
>night goes on
>
>
>
>
>
>
>see GM walking through DR with power tools
>WTF?
Seriously, during service that's a big no-no
>see GM using electric drill to unfasten bolts securing table 31 to floor
>lose sight of GM as ham-flesh displaced by table comes gushing down as table loosens
>GM resurfaces for air at last
MFW at some point that night they took a bite that caused them to expand beyond manageable girth.
Since that night we were no longer allowed to seat fat people at booths.
>a wild pod of hambulocetidae appears
>willing to wait for a booth
>dem cushions be good for pressure sores I guess
>try to order appetizers while they wait in lobby
>no dice
>table's ready, scared I'll get devoured if they get too close as I show them in
>ham jrs go in first, mama and papa ham seal off either bench
>tightest squeeze, cellulite is oozing onto the table everywhere
>1st course - ranch salads and appetizers for all
>dat bottomless beetus beverage
>2nd course - ham jrs each inhale rib-eye dinners with extra sides
>mama ham has two chicken breast/half-rack combo dinners
>papa ham has 24oz prime rib, extra side
>dat bottomless beetus beverage, dat bottomless bread basket
>booth normally seats 6, these 4 had too much food, must be eaten in waves
>damn
>night goes on
>why isn't table 31 clearing?
>desserts are gone, why isn't 31 clearing?
>night goes on
>
>
>
>
>
>
>see GM walking through DR with power tools
>WTF?
Seriously, during service that's a big no-no
>see GM using electric drill to unfasten bolts securing table 31 to floor
>lose sight of GM as ham-flesh displaced by table comes gushing down as table loosens
>GM resurfaces for air at last
MFW at some point that night they took a bite that caused them to expand beyond manageable girth.
Since that night we were no longer allowed to seat fat people at booths.
Tuesday, 4 February 2014
Burgerrrrrrrxxxx :DDDDDDDDDDD
>Be downtown san francisco
>Waiting to meet a dude to buy weed
>Hungry, only have 15 minutes time
>Go to subway
>As I sit down to eat my food a teetering tower of fat walks in
>Footlong chipotle chicken flatbread sandwich
>No vegetables, extra ranch sauce
>Large diet coke, of course
>She stows it in her folds and walks out
>Waiting to meet a dude to buy weed
>Hungry, only have 15 minutes time
>Go to subway
>As I sit down to eat my food a teetering tower of fat walks in
>Footlong chipotle chicken flatbread sandwich
>No vegetables, extra ranch sauce
>Large diet coke, of course
>She stows it in her folds and walks out
Saturday, 11 January 2014
Friday, 10 January 2014
TABOO USA: Extreme Obesity (Full Episode)
National Geographic's TABOO USA episode on the montrously obese. It's like a 45-minute long FPS!
Enjoy
Enjoy
Thursday, 9 January 2014
Wednesday, 1 January 2014
>trying to buy coffee at the nearest Starbucks
>one of my bros actually works there, so I usually don't have to say that I want no cream or want soy milk
>already near lunch time, so I'm stuck in the middle of a long ass line
>hear some sort of commotion at the back of the line
>fat chick, easily 300lbs, 5'2 or less, wearing a bright pink tent is standing there
>She's standing 5 steps away from the start of the line railing and the last person in line, but she is so fat she is blocking the area between the closest table and a pillar, preventing the other customers from lining up
>girl behind her is asking her to move, her voice loud enough to turn a few heads.
>fatass doesn't even seem to hear her. Realize that this probably isn't the first time she has been asked to move
>girl places her hand on the fat chick's shoulder, then repeats herself
>fatass turns her head around to face the girl, with this look of disgust on her face as if she stepped on dog shit.
>after a few seconds of just staring, she turns back without a word and moves the railing on her right to create some space for herself and make room to let the others pass.
>or so I thought. After moving the railings, she directly proceeds to the counter, cutting off at least 10 people on line.
>the railing ends at the counter, so she just moves the post and tries to squeeze in between the first ordering customer and the next person in line
>being so fat, she can't help but comically bump the two guys. Both betas don't say anything
>girl behind the counter looks stunned "Um, ma'am, can I help you?"
>bitch actually points to one of the items in display "I'll have two of those donuts..."
>"I'm sorry ma'am, but you'll have to line up first."
>"I can't fit between the railings," which is true, even if the space between them can fit two normal sized humans "...so you'll have to serve me first."
>one of my bros actually works there, so I usually don't have to say that I want no cream or want soy milk
>already near lunch time, so I'm stuck in the middle of a long ass line
>hear some sort of commotion at the back of the line
>fat chick, easily 300lbs, 5'2 or less, wearing a bright pink tent is standing there
>She's standing 5 steps away from the start of the line railing and the last person in line, but she is so fat she is blocking the area between the closest table and a pillar, preventing the other customers from lining up
>girl behind her is asking her to move, her voice loud enough to turn a few heads.
>fatass doesn't even seem to hear her. Realize that this probably isn't the first time she has been asked to move
>girl places her hand on the fat chick's shoulder, then repeats herself
>fatass turns her head around to face the girl, with this look of disgust on her face as if she stepped on dog shit.
>after a few seconds of just staring, she turns back without a word and moves the railing on her right to create some space for herself and make room to let the others pass.
>or so I thought. After moving the railings, she directly proceeds to the counter, cutting off at least 10 people on line.
>the railing ends at the counter, so she just moves the post and tries to squeeze in between the first ordering customer and the next person in line
>being so fat, she can't help but comically bump the two guys. Both betas don't say anything
>girl behind the counter looks stunned "Um, ma'am, can I help you?"
>bitch actually points to one of the items in display "I'll have two of those donuts..."
>"I'm sorry ma'am, but you'll have to line up first."
>"I can't fit between the railings," which is true, even if the space between them can fit two normal sized humans "...so you'll have to serve me first."
>starbucks girl is speechless. Bro eventually notices something is wrong and makes his way to the counter
>"Do you need anything miss?"
>"Yeah. I'll have two of those glazed dounts, and..."
>beta customer, the one who was already ordering, decides to speak up. "Actually, I already ordered mine, so can I just pay first?"
>fatass turns her head slowly to face him. I couldn't see her face, but I'd assume that she looked pissed.
>statbucks girl is whispering something to my bro, then he saves the customer from getting eaten "Miss, you'lll have to wait your turn."
>"But I already told her, I can't fit there!"
>"We can space them out so you can be more comfortable"
>fatass stares at him for 10 seconds, before turning around and heading for the exit.
I think she was more embarrased than mad in the end.
Tuesday, 31 December 2013
>at Walmart
>scooterfats errywhere
>no more scooters for actual disabled people
>suddenly a wild snorlax appears
>already sweating mayonnaise after walk from car
>no more scooters
>hambeast has shitfit because she has to walk more
>mayonnaise flies all over the greeters as ambulocetus flails around and cries about bad knees
>a kindly old veteran appears.
>He has only one leg, but manages to walk ok with a cane.
>slips on mayonnaise and falls
>greeters proceed to ignore hambeast and get a scooter for the veteran
>hambeast starts screaming about unfairness
>tries to hit the greeters
>takes a swing, slips on own mayonnaise and falls to the floor
>police arrive and arrest the flailing greasepile
>mfw they search her and find an open jar of mayo and four kilos of chicken wings
>scooterfats errywhere
>no more scooters for actual disabled people
>suddenly a wild snorlax appears
>already sweating mayonnaise after walk from car
>no more scooters
>hambeast has shitfit because she has to walk more
>mayonnaise flies all over the greeters as ambulocetus flails around and cries about bad knees
>a kindly old veteran appears.
>He has only one leg, but manages to walk ok with a cane.
>slips on mayonnaise and falls
>greeters proceed to ignore hambeast and get a scooter for the veteran
>hambeast starts screaming about unfairness
>tries to hit the greeters
>takes a swing, slips on own mayonnaise and falls to the floor
>police arrive and arrest the flailing greasepile
>mfw they search her and find an open jar of mayo and four kilos of chicken wings
Monday, 30 December 2013
Sunday, 29 December 2013
Forgot about this one. This guy wasn't my patient but I was working the floor
>working on a unit that was short staffed for the night
>ham beast decided to take his own life and kill himself via a cocktail of meds that would have put a fucking rhino down.
>God has a twisted sense of humor. This 400 pound sack of shit still lives albeit with so many tubes going into him he is more hospital equipment then a person.
>respiratory bros come up to see how the breathing tube is working out and they come out pale. Like sheet white.
> the smell from the guys breathe was fucking horrible.
>Me and his nurse who is like 5ft3 go in to check out what's going on
>it's a rotting smell like that kind of sweet musky meat smell, like road kill.
> I mask up, gloves a gown and she does the same.
>this tiny, ballsy nurse who is acting like it doesn't smell at all finds the source
>there is a fungal growth on his molar. The combo of o2, warmth, and darkness made it grow. I leave almost vomiting.
>specialist came in first thing in the morning and yanked it although the dude was most likely going to die. He said if it weren't for the drying effect the o2 had it would have been so much worst and there is no way he could have picked it up in transit to the hospital or in it itself.
>fat guy has a fungal growth in his fucking tooth.
>every time me and that nurse see each other she chuckles.
Fat people have no hygiene
>working on a unit that was short staffed for the night
>ham beast decided to take his own life and kill himself via a cocktail of meds that would have put a fucking rhino down.
>God has a twisted sense of humor. This 400 pound sack of shit still lives albeit with so many tubes going into him he is more hospital equipment then a person.
>respiratory bros come up to see how the breathing tube is working out and they come out pale. Like sheet white.
> the smell from the guys breathe was fucking horrible.
>Me and his nurse who is like 5ft3 go in to check out what's going on
>it's a rotting smell like that kind of sweet musky meat smell, like road kill.
> I mask up, gloves a gown and she does the same.
>this tiny, ballsy nurse who is acting like it doesn't smell at all finds the source
>there is a fungal growth on his molar. The combo of o2, warmth, and darkness made it grow. I leave almost vomiting.
>specialist came in first thing in the morning and yanked it although the dude was most likely going to die. He said if it weren't for the drying effect the o2 had it would have been so much worst and there is no way he could have picked it up in transit to the hospital or in it itself.
>fat guy has a fungal growth in his fucking tooth.
>every time me and that nurse see each other she chuckles.
Fat people have no hygiene
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