I rejected a fatty outright: Online dating edition

>talking to some chick
>she seems nice
>arrange a date
>decide to go out to the movies
>a bit overweight but not too much
>rock up to her house
>she comes through the door
>no time to walk the dinosaur
>she's a fucking ham planet
>MANTHEHARPOONS.JPEG
>start driving and immediately try to think of an idea to get out of the situation
>pull over
>pretend to have some fake phonecall, say that my brother has broken his leg and I need to go home
>its obviously bullshit and she knows it, but fuck it
>drop her off
>immediately start burning rubber to GTFO out of there
>delete her number, block her on the dating site
>get a message from her telling me she knows it was bullshit and she doesn't want to see me anymore (like I wanted to see her)
>mfw when I didn't pay for the movie tickets in advance
>I haven't seen her since and give 0 fucks

Ppatented alpha answer is 'human beings, duh'

>back in Senior year
>meet girl
>she's fat
>I haven't had a girl for a while so I fool around with her
>I was her first kiss
>We hangout a couple times
>finally she asks "what are we?"
>"uhhhh I don't know"
>sit there awkwardly for a half hour
>drop her off and cut off all contact
Now she's a tumblr girl who bitches about everything.
>tfw I wouldn't fuck a fatty because I don't want to taint my families glories lineage with lard

MOOMMM MAKE ME A SANDWICH

>cracked toilet seat in half
Oh god you gave me flash backs of living with my fat mum now, this is my first FPS so forgive me the shitty greentext
>move into new house at 15
>mom is an easy 140kgs, but an awesome lady apart from that
>not a month after settling in all the bathroom handles and towel racks were snapped off from a huge weight being stressed onto them
>the toilet seat was changed every two months as they kept on mysteriously breaking in half
>even the toilet paper holder broke off, apparently that was used as a holster for mum to get on and off the toilet
>dining chairs all eventually cacked it mysteriously also and we all just ended up eating dinner on the couch
>remember mums bed breaking in the middle of one night and her asking me to retrieve cinderblocks from the backyard
>cinderblocks were too small so we dismantled all the legs on the bed and replaced them all with cinderblocks, plus extra in the middle as it was sagging dangerously low at that stage
>mums computer chair eventually breaks, winds up using lounge chair in front of desk
>everything she sits on inevitably breaks, learn fast not to leave anything on chairs ever
>every time something broke she would 'go on a diet' which would usually encompass an all liquid, salads covered in ranch, and magical weight loss pill regime with the occasional dog walk
>last a week tops before she inhales a cheesecake on the way home from work one day
>mfw

It's pretty much exactly like you're gay and in the closet but instead you're just into fatties.

>mfw I am a FA of BBWs (fat admirer of big beautiful women, as the lingo goes)
>mfw I jerk it to "progress pics" and weight gain fiction on a near nightly basis
>I've had the fetish for almost 15 years now
>Every women I've dated has been at a normal weight, not even big titties (and I was fine with that, a rewarding relationship doesn't start and end on a dumb fetish)
>I myself go to the gym three times a week and walk daily, never been fat in my life
>Will never date a BBW, slowly influence women I date to become fat, or even admit to anyone beyond a damn image board
>This is because common sense trumps a fucking fetish
>I hate the whole "fat acceptance" community and will never join up on their damn circkjerk message boards
>Hate myself the most of all

I would pay a thousand dollars to be rid of this shit.

Girl science

>bf use to be hamplanet; now lost over 150lbs (back at her high school weight)
>looked up to her and my other bf and started to seriously lose weight
>lost so far 92lbs but I have at least 50-70lbs to go before i'm at mirin' stage
>other friend is very nice smart girl but total hamplanet (350lbs and 5'9)
>constantly goes on this fad diets that always fail
>bf constantly tells her to just cut calories and exercise and she'll drop the weight
>fatass friend always complains that it's not the "fast way to lose weight"
>bf lost 150lbs within 1 year by becoming a vegeterian and exercising at least 2-3 hours a day
>fatass friend complains about how fat she is but never does anything about it
>fatties gonna fat

That smell

I didn't believe you guys about the smell because I rarely get close to morbidly obese people, but holy shit

>in lab with hamplanet easily pushing 300
>same fat bitch that broke a chair once during orientation, second time in the middle of class
>have to stand behind her to get solution to be analyzed
>dat fucking smell
>some sick combination of something putrid, BO, and feces
>if I were to analyze the smell the only conclusion would be its death
>end up finishing about half an hour later than normal due to me avoiding going near her

not even one of those fatties that stays silent, bitch would not shut the fuck up

Round Table Buffet

>driving home today after hittin dat dere Round Table buffet (Unlimited hard boiled eggs), pull up to a stop light
>glance in my rear view mirror into the car behind me
>see a whale somehow squeezed into a car slowly coming up behind me swerving because its driving with its knees because both its fins are mashing a hamburger into its face
>worry.jpg
>It comes to a hard stop (poor brakes)
>Light turns green, watch in the rear view as it swerves because it can't wait to get home to eat

Its not that big of a story, and I'll eat while I drive, but this was totally unsafe for everyone else on the road.

Route 66

>be on the bus
>two chubby/borderline fat girls get on the bus
>all that's keeping them looking round and not like garbage bags full of ketchup is youth
>both have big coffee drinks and muffins
>talking and eating together
>one finds the nutritional info printed on the side of the package for the muffin
>"omg! this has 500 calories!"
>the other one leans in and studies it for a second
>"no, no, you're not looking at the right one. it only has 200 calories from fat, and those are the only ones that get absorbed by your body."
>first fatty says "oooh" as if she's learned something
>they both continue eating
>mfw fat girl science

Mickey Dees strikes again

Mcfag here, I'll cut these down a little

>Cafe again, staring out window because bored
>small blue VW drives into handicapped park
>scraping bitumen as it parks
>I brace myself for horror
>It appears the car is full of a large floral orb
>Oh its just a 250kg woman/man, i dont know they all wear mumu's now
>Tries to get out of car about 5 times as i look on in horror
>see's me and starts waving for assistance
>I go out against my better judgement and assist her
>needed to go back inside to get someone else to help unwedge this beast from its entrapment
>free the orb and it immediately makes a b line to the front door.
>expected us to shut her car door.
>I walk inside and purposefully serve her
>$40 worth of food for herself (and a diet coke)
>waddles back to car, forces girth into car again.
>seen shoving big mac into face as driving away, scraping off drive through arrows as she goes.

I hope she lives alone so she has to actually make the effort to get out instead of getting people with better things (like not give a fuck) to do to help

Mpace Sountain

Work at theme park
>Mpace Sountain
>handing out photo tickets
>Screen shows a rocket that hasent shown up yet
>Holy shit the rocket is bring in back planet
>planet skin is so black it looks like an empty shirt in the black background.
>2 tiny white moons near the top of...oh its a person.
>it rolls in.
>AHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh is all you hear
>planet is so fat her rolls extend out of the rocket
>rocket comes withing an inch of the floor
>rocket is floor level to the rocket so the top edgeof it/side of the rocket is lvl to the floor.
>Her fat is caught in itbetween rocket and floor
> AHHH LORD HAVE MERCY
>Ride is stopped
>Paramedics come
>they remove her fat from the wall
>They try to take her oout but she is stuck in the rocket
>she begs them to take her out
>The rocket has to be destroyed in order to bust her out
>Ride is closed for the day while paramedics and firefighters attend to the beached planet
>Finally break the car apart
>peached planet takes a wrong step
>gets stuck int he track she fell through.
>lulz were had
>another 30 min debate on how fat she is and how they are going to get her out

mfw I sat in the corner the whole time giggling and Im so black i blended in with the corner and was invisible to the world.

Darwin would be proud

>In nutrition class
>Sitting near Ashley Crawford in permanent battle mode
>Oh god, the smell
>Hair in nostrils catches fire
>Professor asks me not to smoke in class
>mfw
>10 minute break
>Shoot the shit with bro
>He mention’s Charles Darwin’s dream of eating one of every animal on the planet
>Big Bertha interrupts to say we should change the subject
>Puzzled look
>She says Darwin is one of her “triggers”
>bertstare
>hours later
>mfw I realize she was offended by phrase “survival of the fittest”

Starbucks ahoy

not much but at the time I was dumbfounded by this bitches laziness.

>at the mall, borders was going out of business so books were hella cheap.
>entrance of the mall is a set of stairs with a escalator on each side one going up one going down.
>fatty going in the doors ahead of me is talking about how she can't wait to get a caramel machiatto at starbucks.
>walk in and see the escalators are out of order
>fatty sighs and whines to her friend about having to climb the stares
>they decide to leave and drive across town to go to the starbucks with a drive through.


There were only 75 stairs I know because I counted them. I hope that bitch gets diabetes

Love and marriage

>>lady walks in easily weighing over 350lbs
>>I can clearly see her specially made shoes
>>she comes up and asks for a size 6 (about average shoe size for women)
>>I know this isn't going to work, but I can't just say "ma'am you're too fat for this"
>>fast forward through her sitting down and trying on every sequential size of skate we have until we get to size 13
>>size 13 doesn't fit

oh god, got me thinking of Al from married with children.
>mfw

That look

> Be 19 and working on check out window at Mcdonalds, first week of summer and it's afternoon so busy as fuck
> Next guy gives me his order on my headset, dude has a British accent and sounds familiar for some odd reason
> Dude rolls up to my window, it's David Beckham, his kids and some dude in the passenger seat
> Ohshit.jpg and hand him his food
> Don't know if word got out that he was around here or whatever but all of the sudden like 7 cars rush in and 4-5 people come out of the building
> Two landwale teenagers come out, one is making a B-line literately running full speed to his car with a face like an emo teenage girl about to meet Robert Patterson cutting though the parking lot and shit
> Becks looks and goes "Lets get back to the hotel before thunder thighs gets any ideas here" to his friend in the passenger seat
> We both chuckle as I hand him his food and he speeds off
> Landwale teenage girl goes back inside with her friend and orders a 50 piece nugget while talking about how she got a glimpse of him and and she swears that he look back at her in a "romantic" way
> Can't stop laughing for the rest of the afternoon

480-Pound Woman Dies After Six Years On Couch

STUART, Fla. — A 480-pound Martin County woman has died after emergency workers tried to remove her from the couch where she had remained for about six years.

Gayle Laverne Grinds, 40, died Wednesday, after a failed six-hour effort to dislodge her from the couch in her home. Workers say the home was filthy, and Grinds was too large to get up from the couch to even use the bathroom.
Everyone going inside the home had to wear protective gear. The stench was so powerful they had to blast in fresh air.
A preliminary autopsy on the the four-foot, ten-inch woman lists the cause of death as "morbid obesity." But officials want to know more about the circumstances inside the home.
Investigators say Grinds lived with a man named Herman Thomas, who says he tried to take care of her the best he could. He has told them he tried repeatedly to get her up, but simply couldn't. No charges have been filed, but officials are looking into negligence issues.
Emergency workers had to remove some sliding glass doors and lift the couch, with Grinds still on it, to a trailer behind a pickup truck. Removing her from the couch would be too painful, since her body was grafted to the fabric. After years of staying put, her skin had literally become one with the sofa and had to be surgically removed.
She died at Martin Memorial Hospital South, still attached to the couch.
Neighbors say they had no idea Grinds lived at the duplex, though they had seen Thomas and some children outside.