Catch the bus instead they said

>on the bus coming home at about 9pm
>been up since 7am and been running around the city all day doing shit
>exhausted
>bus is stuck in a traffic jam
>road is like 2 miles long
>i start to get drowsy, radiohead playing softly through my earphones
>falling in and out of sleep
>i distinctly remember having a dream where im on a bouncy castle
>suddenly bouncy castle starts leaning to one side
>open my eyes a little
>OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE THIS FAT DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT HAS APPEARED IN THE SEAT NEXT TO ME
>his disgusting weight is actually causing the seat to dip a little (and those bus seats are pretty fucking solid
>pretend to still be asleep so i dont have to look at him
>the smell. You know that fat guy smell?. That smell.
>i realise in horror that im actually slowly sliding down the seat a little towards him
>io's gravitational pull is pulling me in
>slowly drowse again
>feel some movement a little later
>open my eyes a little
>he is touching my coat
>he has one of those thick chocolate galaxy milkshakes
>i realise he has spilt a little and its trickle on to me
>figure he's just trying to wipe it off without waking me up
>puts his finger in his mouth
>WHAT THE FUCK, HE'S JUST MAKING SURE HE DOESNT WASTE ANY, ACTUALLY WIPING IT OFF OF MY COAT AND PUTTING IT IN HIS DISGUSTING MOUTH
>he starts moving his disgusting drool covered sausage fingers back towards me
>HOLY SHIT HE'S ACTUALLY GOING FOR A SECOND COURSE.
>HE'S ACTUALLY GOING TO WIPE HIS DISGUSTING SALIVA ON ME TRYING TO GET MORE CHOCOLATE
>open my eyes suddenly and shout 'WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!'
>Mfw he panics and scampers away to another seat
>sit in shocked silence
>no more sleeping on this bus
>scarred for life

I seriously dont understand what goes through these people's minds.

apart from lard

Route 66

>be on the bus
>two chubby/borderline fat girls get on the bus
>all that's keeping them looking round and not like garbage bags full of ketchup is youth
>both have big coffee drinks and muffins
>talking and eating together
>one finds the nutritional info printed on the side of the package for the muffin
>"omg! this has 500 calories!"
>the other one leans in and studies it for a second
>"no, no, you're not looking at the right one. it only has 200 calories from fat, and those are the only ones that get absorbed by your body."
>first fatty says "oooh" as if she's learned something
>they both continue eating
>mfw fat girl science