How to reject fatty advances

>work in retail in a small electronic shop
>enter customer who could be attractive if she lost a lot of weight
>I help her out very basic questions
>didnt think she was hitting on me at all very normal and friendly
>I ring her up
>"oh hey um could you write your phone number on the receipt in case in doesnt work"
>what the fuck I thought this happened to girls in movies
>I glance up then start panicking , I hate it when im put on the spot
>start to turn red because customers are now looking at me like their favorite show dropped a drama bomb
>I enter beta mode
>"I uh...call the store if you have a problem..."
>"well okay, you're really friendly I liked the service whats your facebook"
>I really start to panic and dont chose my words wisely
>"well...you arent really my type..."
>she looks crushed
>I should mention I have a knack for thinking and saying inappropriate stuff
>think to myself "yeah type 2 diabetes"
>let out a quick laugh
>cant resist I then burst into laughter uncontrollably
>she glances over one last time and leaves
>coworker comes up laughing and said I should have said "we cant give out personal information on the job"
>what can I say I fucking panicked

My girlfriend also has a neighbor who has Alzheimers. His name is Jack and I thought of Jack in metal gear solid 2, then I thought of when Rose said "jack remember the first day we met?" and began laughing because obviously not he has Alzheimer.
She was pretty pissed telling a serious story and having someone laugh.

Im such a dick, maybe im autistic.

Shallow Hal would be proud

>finally figured out that all it takes to get girls is confidence
>holy shit it was true all along
>go on mad pussy rampage
>sex with 3 grills in a month, when I had just got off of a 3 year dry spell
>fatty hanging out with bro
>she follows me to room
>fatty with big tits that always wears a tank top to show them off
>she wants the D bad
>bored so I just pull out her tits
>meh
>start sucking on them
>she sucks my dick
>I just keep pushing her head down till I cum in her mouth
>OHGODWHATHAVEIDONE
>get out
>she keeps trying to talk to me
>nope

Well at least I didn't fuck her.

Ppatented alpha answer is 'human beings, duh'

>back in Senior year
>meet girl
>she's fat
>I haven't had a girl for a while so I fool around with her
>I was her first kiss
>We hangout a couple times
>finally she asks "what are we?"
>"uhhhh I don't know"
>sit there awkwardly for a half hour
>drop her off and cut off all contact
Now she's a tumblr girl who bitches about everything.
>tfw I wouldn't fuck a fatty because I don't want to taint my families glories lineage with lard

Implying I fuck fat chicks

>go to rugby game with mates
>start talking to group of hot girls
>7.5/10 qt3.14 brunette wants the D
>fucking fat bitch out of nowhere
>stupid fat cunt has dyed hair and short, ripped jean shorts
>dat cottage cheese
>ohgodwhy.xls
>I grab the girl to go to the bar and escape saturn's gravitational pull
>Captain Corpulence the Cockblocker is stalking us
>tell qt3.14 to wait with our group for me
>wink at fatty, she almost shits herself
>start walking towards toilets
>tell fatty to wait for me outside the toilets
>sneak out second door
>go back to bar
>hook up with qt3.14
>turns out fatty waited there for 15 minutes before waddling into the mens toilets in search of me
>mfw

If only you could shoot up graham crackers

>doing report on a computer with 2 of my co-workers doing the same. Coworker 2 gets up to get a coffee
>call button goes off for some junkie trailer trash who's in for the flu cause the only time she uses a needle it's for heroin
>360lbs women informs me she needs graham crackers because at 5:00am, why the fuck not.
>coworker #1 goes and gets her 2 packs and gives her the "sleep= recover" speech but this bitch hears what she wants.
>coworker 1 returns with her coffee and asks where 2 is and I inform her.
>she kind of scoff's and justifiably shakes her head.
>co workers 1&2 are back by the desk and we hear the trusty bed alarm go off.
> I go to investigate and find she opened up her giant leather purse and is eating pudding cups produced from said purse with graham crackers as the spoon.
>"fatty what are you doing?"
>"it makes my throat feel better."

Fat people get tired easily, it's a vicious circle

>college today
>walking out of parking garage that's connected to the college
>on the 2nd floor
>elevator opens that's next to a flight of stairs
>out comes waddling some behemoth

This is on the same level as those damn mobility scooters. I had a mix bag of emotions right there; mad, humored, disappointed., etc.

Darwin would be proud

>In nutrition class
>Sitting near Ashley Crawford in permanent battle mode
>Oh god, the smell
>Hair in nostrils catches fire
>Professor asks me not to smoke in class
>mfw
>10 minute break
>Shoot the shit with bro
>He mention’s Charles Darwin’s dream of eating one of every animal on the planet
>Big Bertha interrupts to say we should change the subject
>Puzzled look
>She says Darwin is one of her “triggers”
>bertstare
>hours later
>mfw I realize she was offended by phrase “survival of the fittest”

Starbucks ahoy

not much but at the time I was dumbfounded by this bitches laziness.

>at the mall, borders was going out of business so books were hella cheap.
>entrance of the mall is a set of stairs with a escalator on each side one going up one going down.
>fatty going in the doors ahead of me is talking about how she can't wait to get a caramel machiatto at starbucks.
>walk in and see the escalators are out of order
>fatty sighs and whines to her friend about having to climb the stares
>they decide to leave and drive across town to go to the starbucks with a drive through.


There were only 75 stairs I know because I counted them. I hope that bitch gets diabetes

Love and marriage

>>lady walks in easily weighing over 350lbs
>>I can clearly see her specially made shoes
>>she comes up and asks for a size 6 (about average shoe size for women)
>>I know this isn't going to work, but I can't just say "ma'am you're too fat for this"
>>fast forward through her sitting down and trying on every sequential size of skate we have until we get to size 13
>>size 13 doesn't fit

oh god, got me thinking of Al from married with children.
>mfw

this is happenning right now

this is happenning right now

>mother in law downstairs
>me upstairs
>she knows I have school studying to do
>calls my name
>I don't answer
>calls name again
>still don't answer
>she stops
>10 minutes later she waddles up the stairs breathing heavy
>I am now waiting to see what she originally wanted
>she's always way too fat to come upstairs or downstairs, she just yells

>mfw other fat women in my family do the same

why do fatties yell? Because it takes work to walk up some stairs

Chips ahoy

>be at dinner with female friend
>she says her friend is a hostess there
>chips ahoy motherfuckers, this bitch is huge
>she waddles over and tries to find us a table
>Tells us she was just in the back eating poutine
>We sit and she insists we both get milkshakes
>Comes back 3 times to ask what we're getting and to make us get milkshakes.
>say no, I'm trying to be healthy this year (and every other fucking year)
>insists we take advantage of bottomless fries.
>gets offended when we dont


fuck.

That look

> Be 19 and working on check out window at Mcdonalds, first week of summer and it's afternoon so busy as fuck
> Next guy gives me his order on my headset, dude has a British accent and sounds familiar for some odd reason
> Dude rolls up to my window, it's David Beckham, his kids and some dude in the passenger seat
> Ohshit.jpg and hand him his food
> Don't know if word got out that he was around here or whatever but all of the sudden like 7 cars rush in and 4-5 people come out of the building
> Two landwale teenagers come out, one is making a B-line literately running full speed to his car with a face like an emo teenage girl about to meet Robert Patterson cutting though the parking lot and shit
> Becks looks and goes "Lets get back to the hotel before thunder thighs gets any ideas here" to his friend in the passenger seat
> We both chuckle as I hand him his food and he speeds off
> Landwale teenage girl goes back inside with her friend and orders a 50 piece nugget while talking about how she got a glimpse of him and and she swears that he look back at her in a "romantic" way
> Can't stop laughing for the rest of the afternoon

Roller babes

>working at a roller skating rink
>tons of stupid little kids, but thats ok cause they're kids
>stupid adults are a lot harder to deal with
>lady walks in easily weighing over 350lbs
>I can clearly see her specially made shoes
>she comes up and asks for a size 6 (about average shoe size for women)
>I know this isn't going to work, but I can't just say "ma'am you're too fat for this"
>fast forward through her sitting down and trying on every sequential size of skate we have until we get to size 13
>size 13 doesn't fit
>its clearly not the length, but the width of the foot that's the issue
>Finally find that she can squeeze into a 15
>all of her weight is centered between the wheels
>goes out onto the skate floor after an hour of trying on shoes
>about 3 minutes in, I hear her scream
>she's fallen, tango down!
>walk out to the floor to see if she needs assistance defeating gravity
>she's broken one of the steel plates the skates use for support
>skate busted, so I have to tell manager
>manager tells her she'll have to pay for the skate (around $100)
>she flips out, saying this is prejudiced
>I tell her this is a special situation, we've never had someone weigh too much for skates
>the look of extreme discomfort comes on her face
>she starts crying amid the hundred or so kids also skating that day
>feel bad for a moment, then her crying becomes screaming
>she's flailing her arms around like an infant
>head arched back, screaming to the roof, and squriming every moveable body part in protest
>me and the manager back away
>every kid in the place looking on
>she goes at it for about five minutes before suddenly stopping, getting up, and walking out as if nothing happened
>she leaves her shoes with us

Ah, highschool.

>first year of high school
>best friends with a girl
>heard around that her house was pretty bad
>thought nothing of it
>but as the months went on I noticed she started to get fatter
>she reaches landwhale mode
> whenever she walks into class it stinks of shit and her hair is like caked with piss or something
>remain loyal and disregard rumors
>she invites me to her house
>other friend tries to convince me not to go
>her house is apparently fucking awful
>go anyway
>my mum drives me, have to talk her into letting me out of the car when she sees the house
>fucking 3 roomed shack
>about 100 degrees inside, stank full on of shit and disease
>pet ducks running around, apparently "they dont mind that it isnt toilet trained"
>7 people in tiny, shit on the walls, fucking feral guinea pigs and ducks running around
>pretend to be sick so I get to go home

Since then I avoid being friends with fat people all together and talking to them to an extreme, so that's like the last FPS I ever had.

480-Pound Woman Dies After Six Years On Couch

STUART, Fla. — A 480-pound Martin County woman has died after emergency workers tried to remove her from the couch where she had remained for about six years.

Gayle Laverne Grinds, 40, died Wednesday, after a failed six-hour effort to dislodge her from the couch in her home. Workers say the home was filthy, and Grinds was too large to get up from the couch to even use the bathroom.
Everyone going inside the home had to wear protective gear. The stench was so powerful they had to blast in fresh air.
A preliminary autopsy on the the four-foot, ten-inch woman lists the cause of death as "morbid obesity." But officials want to know more about the circumstances inside the home.
Investigators say Grinds lived with a man named Herman Thomas, who says he tried to take care of her the best he could. He has told them he tried repeatedly to get her up, but simply couldn't. No charges have been filed, but officials are looking into negligence issues.
Emergency workers had to remove some sliding glass doors and lift the couch, with Grinds still on it, to a trailer behind a pickup truck. Removing her from the couch would be too painful, since her body was grafted to the fabric. After years of staying put, her skin had literally become one with the sofa and had to be surgically removed.
She died at Martin Memorial Hospital South, still attached to the couch.
Neighbors say they had no idea Grinds lived at the duplex, though they had seen Thomas and some children outside.

A former fatass weighs in

>Former fatass
>been fat since 8
>I was a pretty gross fatass, I would eat anything, binge on horrific food etc
>Would eat gross or bizarre food - candy sushi, roasted pork crackling, flour fried in butter
>Get in shape
>No longer have food cravings, dislike tasting foods
>Now obsessed with color and texture of foods; the other senses food engages instead of taste
>Fatass friends look for sugary, greasy foods
>When I look at fast food now, this is what I notice:

Shades of brown and yellow
All soft, baby food like textures
Scents are always cloying and artificial or greasy

>when I tell my fat friend about the realisation
>"but it tastes so good!"
>They are critical of my efforts
>newfriends.jpg

Semper Fi

>be year 2000 in the Marine Corps stationed in 29 Palms, CA. It's in the middle of the Mojave Desert and the only women within a 150 mile radius are Marine wives which are always pregnant and under age daughters.
>In barracks all the time. One day I got a webtv to get on the internets on my tv.
>Back in 2000 chat rooms were a good place to meet people. These days it's nothing but porn bots and 13 year old FBI agents. But back then you could meet hot bitches. Met a cutie asian off it but that's another story.
>Talk to a girl and agree to meet up. Asked if she had a few friends for my friends. Looking out for my bros. She said yes so I got over to my bros dark lair to find them playing computer games.
>One guy is from Poland and still have a thick accent. We just call him Pollock.
>The other guy is American and looks exactly like Ralphie from A Christmas Story. Everyone calls him Ralphie even gunny.
>We go to meet these girls in Hemet, CA I think. They said to meet at Denny's.
>We're the first ones there and 5mins later noticed them pulling up in a low rider.
>Door opens and see a pillar of meat with a shoe fall out of the door.
>Three of the most disgusting hamplanets I've ever seen get out and the lower rider turns into a truck with lifts.
>One had overalls on, another had a trucker jacket with a jelly stain all over it and the other had a plain white XXXXX Large shirt on.
>Friends bertstare me.
>we talk for a while and agree to go to a movie, Pollock pulls me to the side while Ralphie distracts them.
>Pollock says follow my lead.
>He tells them that we'll follow them to the movie theater and we'll follow.
>Triple binaryy star system agrees and they head off, we follow them and get off on the interstate back to base at 120mph.
>Net day on webtv fattie thanks us for ditching them.

Toilet Hygiene

I'm going to share one of the worst, if not the worst, thing about being this obese - dealing with toilet hygiene. Or rather, the common lack thereof. The mechanics are that I just can't reach to wipe myself. Either fore or aft.

I have a sponge on a stick that I use for wiping aft. Or rather, that my husband uses to wipe me. He is very laid back about it all, but it hurts and embarrasses me to have to have him take care of something so intimate and frankly, disgusting. When he is not at home, I can contort myself just enough to use it. One hand on the tub rim, the other holding the stick. I dig under my huge apron, brace my arm on the toilet rim and squirm a bit. It's not nearly as neat and hygienic as when hubby does it as I have to bring the dirty sponge forward past my fore and belly. There is no "front to back" wiping except when hubby does it.

When I am out of the house, I simply have to do without wiping. We call it having "poopy butt." I can't use the sponge myself since there isn't a tub rim to brace myself on. And family unisex bathrooms are rare. Even if I could use the sponge alone while out, where would I rinse it? At home, I use the tub. I couldn't bear to rinse my sponge at a common bathroom sink and I'm not about to put the sponge in a Ziploc to rinse hours later. Ugh.

I simply do without fore wipes. I don't want to use the sponge that wipes my aft to wipe my fore. So, I wear absorbent cotton underwear when I'm out and sit on a sheet on the couch at home. Only after a shower do I ever feel clean and my underwear is too awful to discuss. I've have a few urinary tract infections in the last couple of years and I get painfully raw at times.

Why am I sharing something so intimate and private? Because sometimes I get the impression that people think that we morbidly obese people are unmotivated to lose weight. That we LIKE being this heavy and eating "all we want." This is the ugly side of living with super morbid obesity. It's not pretty and it's not fun and it's no way to live.

Blast dem quads

>be me
>see fat guy in gym
>he's trying really hard
>be few months later
>see that fat guy again
>he made some progress but still fatso no matter what
>da fk is he doing?
>he's still working out buttmad hard
>he's trying badass like its his last day on fucking earth
>he's giving everything he can
>motivates me as fuck
>all PR got beaten that day
>Thank you fat dude

You'll make it bro

>be 240 (highest ever)
>6'1"
>bench 350
>25 chin ups
>squat 400+
>dl 400+
>think I'm strongfat bearmode
>fat accumulates in neck and face
>wonder why no gf
>see pictures of myself, look like shit, 3/10
>decide to drop weight at all costs
>lose 20 lbs, still fat neck and face, 3.5/10
>lose 15 lbs more, noticeably less fat in neck and face, but it's still there, 4/10, body looking pretty good 6/10

I swear I won't stop until the last bit of fat is burned off my neck. Goddamn fuck I have been in total denial. I believe I'll be 5.5/10 face with 9/10 body when I lose 15 more lbs.