MOOMMM MAKE ME A SANDWICH

>cracked toilet seat in half
Oh god you gave me flash backs of living with my fat mum now, this is my first FPS so forgive me the shitty greentext
>move into new house at 15
>mom is an easy 140kgs, but an awesome lady apart from that
>not a month after settling in all the bathroom handles and towel racks were snapped off from a huge weight being stressed onto them
>the toilet seat was changed every two months as they kept on mysteriously breaking in half
>even the toilet paper holder broke off, apparently that was used as a holster for mum to get on and off the toilet
>dining chairs all eventually cacked it mysteriously also and we all just ended up eating dinner on the couch
>remember mums bed breaking in the middle of one night and her asking me to retrieve cinderblocks from the backyard
>cinderblocks were too small so we dismantled all the legs on the bed and replaced them all with cinderblocks, plus extra in the middle as it was sagging dangerously low at that stage
>mums computer chair eventually breaks, winds up using lounge chair in front of desk
>everything she sits on inevitably breaks, learn fast not to leave anything on chairs ever
>every time something broke she would 'go on a diet' which would usually encompass an all liquid, salads covered in ranch, and magical weight loss pill regime with the occasional dog walk
>last a week tops before she inhales a cheesecake on the way home from work one day
>mfw

Ursula from The Little Mermaid with vitilago

>just started new job at dietary supplement company working as a lab technician
>lead is a woman in her 40s who is at least 350 lbs, has blue/purple hair and is incredibly loud and pale. She looks like Ursula from The Little Mermaid with vitilago
>the irony of this woman working at a health foods company is almost insulting
>she managed to tilt her way out of her chair and used her momentum to make it to the bathroom, she left her coat at her desk and I glanced at the size. 6XL
>every day she has three half-empty 1L bottles of Dr. Pepper on her desk and one 20 oz can of Monster Energy ASSAULT
>leads stretches every morning, can't do half of them. she can't reach her arms over her head to stretch her triceps or grab her foot to stretch her quad
>is out of breath from climbing one flight of stairs to get to her office, and very rarely leaves her desk to do any actual testing or training or installing lab equipment, just orders products and writes emails all day
>is horribly incompetent and doesn't even order the right products, I have 500 of the wrong-sized scoops and only four correct ones, and those came with the instrument. Same with sampling pans, beakers, flasks, and jars. We don't even have all of our equipment necessary to perform tests since they get progressively delayed, what was supposed to be here last Friday gets pushed to next, that sort of shit.

One Friday the whole department went out to have all-you-can-eat sushi. She and her husband were there an hour before everybody else, and had already scarfed down at least six rolls between the two of them already, and when the rest of us showed up they had an additional eight rolls brought to them. She's a nice lady, maybe a little too touchy and affectionate (she says she's from Georgia and that's how people are down there, here in Nevada it's a little invasive), but I really think she's going to be fired soon. Thank god.

My wife

my wife has like 5 friends that would be considered good regular freinds

here is a run down of the 5

>bff overweight fat roll tits, drinks, has lupus, binge diets, and takes diet supplements, never ever sustained a weight loss, seen her in pajamas once and had to take photos and videos, her ass looks like someone sucked the air out of a plastic bag of wet clothes
>fat drunk mexican broad with 2 kids, total slut
>fat asian drunk, drinks and drives like it's going out of style, crash diets and shit
>simple drunk white trash, probably molested which is why she is always drinking
>skinny chick with a husband and fake tits, husband and her do stuff outside and are active

4 out of the 5 friends she has will call me an "asshole" if I really bring up the weight issue..

4 out of 5 friends are forever lonely hamplanets

if my wife makes it out of this rut, she can do anything