I know everyone is going to think I made this up and God, how I fucking wish that was the case.

>Work with fat as fatass co-worker for a few months
>Hated by all co-workers due to laziness and just generally being an asshole
>Always loudly talks about my "anorexia" because my heart doesn't pump mayonnaise but tells my coworkers how he's going to "split me in two"
>Ignore him, only thing he's splitting is 4XL jeans coated in Cheetos dust and cum stains
>Comes up to me alone crying and confides that he feels awful about his weight and doesn't know what to do, wants my help
>Take pity on him, glad he wants to make a change
>Invite him to my gym with me
>Shows up 40 minutes late
>When he gets there his eyes burn a hole in my yoga pants
>Super uncomfortable but get him to start stretching with me
>Less than a minute in he has to go to the bathroom, wait for 20 minutes
>We've been there an hour and haven't even worked out, I don't have time for this shit.
>Knock on door of bathroom and call out to him, hear violent sobbing, sounds like someone being mauled
>It's not locked so I open the door...
>What I see there will haunt me forever.
>He's hunched over masturbating furiously while crying, absolutely naked except for some black thing straining around his man boobs, almost lost in his folds
>...I-is that the sports bra I thought I lost?
>Is this even real life?
>He starts to scream when he sees me, tries to hide himself with his hands, rolls jiggle everywhere
>Start to laugh
>Immediately leave and laugh the entire 20 minute walk home, can't breathe I'm laughing so hard.
>He never comes in for work again.

I'm not sure I'd believe it if it hadn't happened to me. My boss told me I should try to press charges (for I don't even know what, creepiness?) but I just wanted to never see him again.