Dear Mom

>mom is obese
>asks me all the time for fitness advice
>one of those situations where she knows exactly what to do, but doesn't do it
>be home from uni on break
>still in glorious winter bulk...shes jelly I eat so much yet don't get huge
>was about 1000 calories short of my goal today, went to chipotle
>came back to a tray of fresh baked brownies
>"anon I made brownies if you want some"
>eat burrito
>go downstairs to throw shit away...half tray is missing
>mom watching tv
>pokerface
>tfw could have eaten brownies instead of chipotle

Not fat, just bulking

>go to first day of Principles of Psychology freshman year in (christian) college
>health-obsessed, religious zealot professor
(more like borderline anorexic, the dude looked emaciated)
>Landwhale wobbles in 5 minutes late, during the professor’s intro and squeezes herself into a desk huffing and puffing
>professor begins fiery rant about how anyone overweight is “doomed to hell because their stomach has become their god.”
>her face when trying to pretend he wasn’t specifically talking to her
>continues lecture on why humans are not designed to eat dinner, how consumption of meat is not in God’s plan, and why kissing before marriage is bad.

Keep your laws off my gains

>Wife comes to see patient who has irregular heart rhythm, chest pains, previous small strokes
>Huge risk of death
>Morbidly obese jamaican, 370ish
>wife orders tests, meds
>nurse comes to get her 50 min later
>"Tests are done?"
>""No we have a problem"
>Patient had ordered 2 papa johns supremes delivered to the emergency room.
>Wife had them taken away
>Jamaican threatens alwsuit.