I go to subway because sometimes I'm lazy counting my calories and the steak and cheese has under 400.

Though I prefer the basil and sundried tomato chicken sandwiches that M&S sell, they're too expensive.

>Walk/jog to subway, it's 6~7 miles uphill from home
>The moment I enter I feel an intense gravitational pull, hold onto doorframe not to get sucked in
>Humongous landwhale standing behind counter, his head whips around and he stares at me
>"H-hi there! I'm just checking the nutritional value."
>Look at board, he's standing there and staring at me, breathing heavier than me
>"Okay, wholegrain bread, steak sandwich, onions, tomatoes, cucumber, extra lettuce, no sauce, grilled"
>He starts making my sandwich, notice he's putting double meat and cheese on it, winks at me and says "A little extra as a reward"
>"N-no please don't! Actually cut the cheese and put peppers in instead, please!"
>He scoffs and reluctantly puts the meat and cheese back
>"What drink would you like?"
>"Hmm, lemme see the nutrition...coffee sounds nice."
>"That's 200 calories, you sure there?"
>"Whaa? Black coffee has 200 calories here? No way, just water then!"
>"Oh I thought you meant latte, black coffee only has 8 calories, here you go. Want some cookies? You should treat yourself."
>"Thanks, I'm good."
>Sit down and rip off any excess bread, sip deliciously bitter coffee
>Ground rumbles
>Hamplanet sits opposite me, with 10 cookies, 1 huge sprite, 4 sandwiches, 7 packets of crisps and 2 breakfast subs
>Stares at me while I slowly eat my food, gobbles his down and keeps pushing crisps and cookies over at me with a wink
>"It'll be our dirty little secret, you look gorgeous the way you are, turnip."
>Lose 3lb just in ovary weight, they're aborted themselves and my vajayjay burned itself shut for life.
>Internally crying, finish sandwich and burn mouth guzzling the coffee, gtfo
>Run like a demon and scream in rage on the way back